why is brandy dressed up like it is so cold out? her daughter looks and is built just like her daddy it looks like he had her. shuga. OnOct 29, 2009 at 11:51 am (Quote) | Reply |. go head then brandy, i see you on MILF status. ..... You carry all that pain FOREVER! I was an active child, but I could eat like a grown adult. My mother is thin, and never had weight issues a day in her life. My father is medium built, but all of his sister's are heavy. ...... diet to give himself the 'hunky look' for his upcoming nude shoot for Playgirl. Johnston's trainer Marvin Jones says he is eating 3500 calories a day, working out three hours everyday for six days a week, along with a lot of cardio. ... May 29th, 2009 NEW YORK - Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's husband Todd asked daughter Bristol to dump Levi Johnston and get a car, a magazine has claimed. While in an interview with GQ magazine, Johnston, the baby daddy of Sarah's first ...'We are a real family', she had said, fixing her daughter with a hard glare through the rearview mirror. It quickly softened when she saw her flinch. But as Caroline backed down, Cassidy seemed to be happy to jump in and asked cheerily ... Caroline, unaware of what her sister had just done to their parents, added that of course Miranda would be the dad, because she also made more money than Andy. And then they seemed to come alive with the idea, pointing out that SPLENDOR ...His wife a�� who I never knew a�� had died during a trip to California to visit relatives. She had a heart attack. There was at least one photo of her setting out in the dining room, I think. Their daughter was grown and gone off to college when I was younger ... and I remember being quite surprised to discover he'd been married and his wife had died. I was very young when I learned about it and who knows how I rationalized a man having a daughter without ever having a wife. ...So essentially from the time he's a young infant to a young adult he trust his mom to always be there for him and he feels there's always a place for him to go if things don't work out. So question is how can one become ... He finds himself still in his late 20's early 30's talking to mom consistently, or perhaps eating his favorite meal his mom'prepares just right. However, at some point he eventually learns his role as the strong black male. Perhaps, he gets married and ...Even on the Phillies, he's been treated something like royalty befitting his status as a three-time Cy Young winner and surefire future Hall of Famer. He has melded seamlessly into their clubhouse, offering pitching tips to the younger members of the staff a�� a�?Pedro's given me some pretty ... He revealed after the game that he had been fighting a cold, complete with coughing, sore throat and chest pain, that had affected his eating and sleeping over the past couple days. ...The reason i know that pedisure is ok to give all the time is my daughter was born three months early and the NICU doctors put her on pedisure to try and gian weight but it didnt work. Also not eating is just a stage he will out grow. ... My son has been really picky because his dad is away for work, so he is acting out by not eating. I bought the chocolate pedi sure stuff. He loves it he had like 2 yesterday and one today. I am not sure if they are "allowed" to have it. ...We also point Quanguo father drink less wine, it is best to quit, but he promised to be properly awake, and yet goes out socially drink Come Drink With Me to go home. Mom said that Dad's hard to eat too much, and felt that did not make our lives better, ... Write this, my mother said that trouble you again, and again the Manchuang urine everywhere, and you are such a move, how to let his daughter to respect you ? I do not believe that you are at this moment is my father, ...Daddy knows best: in praise of single fathers. Fran Abrams. Source: The Times. October 20, 2009. Young dad Will and his daughter Tia. 'Despite the negative images of single dads I was surprised by the number of positive examples of fatherhood I found' .... When Will moved out of his temporary accommodation into a council flat, he was allowed to have only one bedroom, and was making plans to buy a sofabed so that his daughter could sleep in the living room. ...Happy Belated Birthday wishes to my incredible husband (aka Daddy to the blog readers and my children)! I know yesterday was the BIG day, but instead of blogging your birthday post last night (when I usually blog) I decided to spend some quality time ... It was fabulous and so many people came up to me telling me what a great job you did and how impressed they were with you. Despite your nerves, your obedience to God and His calling you out for service was tremendous. ...
My Husband is 38 and I have noticed a pattern with his moods. He can be fine for about two weeks to a month. Then he has what seem to be an episode that can last the same amount of time. During these episodes he starts out with calling me names out of the blue and with in a day or two he is agitated and constantly mad at everyone in the house. The kids included. He also shows signs of depression after about two days. He wants to not help with our two youngest children or even go to the store. I leave him alone about not helping because it has become a pattern of yelling if I ask for his help and the kids don't want his help when he is acting like this. His behavior final goes to a point where he is argumentative and yelling constant. All I can do is stay out of his way as much as possible, but even that will not keep him from looking for me to yell at. My husband smokes, but he doesn't drink or do any drugs. He drinks about a pot of coffee a day. He also takes tylenol often for head pain offten. I have notice during these episodes he seems to take tylenol more. some times about four times in a day. He also seems to have trouble breathing at night and says our room is to stuffy going to the sofa for a few hours to clear it. He also eats like he is depressed. He will eat a whole bag or two of chips in one night and countless other junk food despite me cooking a full meal.
What I want to know is if my husband is Bipolar, going thru his midlife crises or just an ass who want to show he is sometimes. I raely yell at him I mostly keep my complaints to myself or talk to him about problems in a normal calm way. He says it is me making him act like this. I have changed countless things that he said I do that bother him, but none of those changes fixed his mood going up and down.
I have tried to talk to him about his behavior and maybe see a doctor to make sure it isn't something serious. I have told him that plenty of normal people has mood problems and that it doesn't make him nuts if he does. A doctor could tell him if it is a health problem or a mental disorder. Either one can be helped. He refuses to go and says there is nothing wrong with him. I have watched him over the years and done countless things to make him happier, but none work. I know his patterns when it comes to his mood changes. Sometimes I feel it is unbearable to deal with another two weeks to a month of him yelling at every little thing that happens in life. He yells if I can't get a bottle or a diaper in a minute flat. We have six children and I can not be everywhere at once. I try to get everyone need met as soon as I can including my husbands , but there is only one of me. I can only do it as soon as I can not any faster. When I am at home alone I manage without feeling over loaded for the most part, but when he is having his mood and at home it seems that I am pressured to do more then is humanly possible. I really want the calm man to be around for the most part. I am exhausted of the constant roller coaster of normal then screaming. It effects the kids lives to a point where our oldest daughter who is 9 will say daddy is having an episode again. I will help you mommy, but I would rather go to my room and read if you want me to help daddy. I normally tell her to go to her room and I will deal with it. I feel like I need to protect all our children from him when he is like this. Not because he would hurt them, but because I don't think it is right for him to yell at them for just being.
I know none of you can really tell me what is wrong with him. Only a doctor can do that. what I would like to know is what you think the problem is and how I can deal with his behavior. He is my husband and I am unwilling to leave him when I made the promise to be with him for the rest of my life so that answer will not help. He also won't go to the doctor to get help so any thing that might explain his mood swings and how to better deal with the situation would be help full. thank you.
In response to many questions about the siduation. He works inspecting houses. It is not what he went to college for. He went for finace, but we live in a small town that does not have many jobs for him. He gets lots of exersize and isn't over weight. Due to the small town and me being from Thailand I have no support here in the US to have communiy support. His family is here though. What would be a good question is how do you get a man to go to te doctor that refuses to go? I really want him to be happy with life and for the family to be happy also.
Okay, so this is my dilemma, and I am really fighting the urge to just freak out on my ex.
When I was 16 I had one really crazy/romantic/over-indulgent summer that ended with me losing my virginity and getting pregnant at the same time. (In case you're wondering, yes we used a condom, and no it didn't break... I should play the lottery or something.) Long story short- I do not condone Abortion as a method of birth control so it wasn't even an option for me personally. I was literally feeling ill only days after we were together and went to him to tell him I thought I might be pregnant... well he freaked and left town before I even found out for sure. 3 weeks later I tested + and at that moment my whole life changed.
I graduated high school 6 months early (Had to take night classes for extra credits) and worked 2 full time jobs to pay my way through college. I got my RN by the time I was 18, and have worked ever since.
In this time my ex saw her once when she was 3 months old and then once more at 6 mo old. Then nothing til she was 18mo old. (Then he actually came back and saw her every single day... for 4 days.)
He disappeared again only to show up right before her 3rd birthday. This was the first time she was introduced to him as Daddy (frankly before this, she didn't even understand the concept). They had a really nice day together as she put on her Dr Seuss backpack and led him by the hand up and down our street pretending to 'Go to school' and before he left that day she gave him a hand drawn invitation to her B-day party to which he said Of course he would attend. *He never showed up.*
And he hasn't seen her since.
Now I have never stood in the way of him seeing her, and you will never hear me say a bad thing about him in front of her because she is a smart young girl and when she is old enough I know she will figure it out on her own.
My dilemma is that he just started emailing me out of nowhere and wants to be a part of her life again. Oh, I forgot to mention... "He really means it this time". Problem is, he has not seen her, nor made an effort to speak to her since she was nearly 3 years old.... she is 9 1/2 now!
He asked if he could just pick her up and take her out to eat or possibly even an over-night... I lost my mind.
Not really- cuz I don't yell, but if I did, then he absolutely would have heard it. I told him that I would prefer it if he could come to our house and see her there so she could get to know him a little better and that we could go from there. He said this is unacceptable and it is his child to and he has rights. What the heck is wrong with him?!
One last side note here, I have never asked him for anything-ever. I never filed for child support against him, and never interfered with his life. It was my decision to keep her and so long as I was physically able to work and earn a living- well, I was going to do it. Luckily I have never needed public assistance- but he doesn't know that. Sure there would have been times where a little extra money would have helped, but I was kinda hoping he would have stepped up to the plate and done it himself. (Don't worry, I wasn't holding my breath.)
So, back to the original question, am I being completely selfish about my daughter?? Personally, I don't think I am being unreasonable. Maybe an outside opinion would help.
Disclaimer: I am a Christian and I have posted these funny saying of kids about the bible. It is only meant for fun not to make fun of anyone. So please just laugh about it. God has a sense of humor too, and He loves Kids.
King of Glory
Six year old Mike was listening to the Messiah one day with his mother. When it got to this part: "He is the King of glory," Mike asked, "Is Glory His wife?"
Palm Sunday
One Palm Sunday, little Joey had a sore throat and had to stay home from church with a sitter. When the rest of the family came home, they were carrying palm branches. Joey asked what they were for. His father told him that people held them over Jesus' head when he walked by.
"Wouldn't you know it!" said Joey. "The one Sunday I miss, Jesus shows up!"
Did Noah Go Fishing?
A Sunday School teacher asked her class if they though Noah did a lot of fishing while he was on the ark.
"Of course not," said one little boy. "How could he? He only had two worms!"
The Children's Sermon
On Easter Sunday, the minister was giving the children's sermon. He reached into a bag and pulled out an egg. He asked the children if they knew what was inside.
"I know," said one boy. "Panty hose!"
The Collection Plate
A little boy was in church for the first time. He watched as the ushers passed around the collection plate. When they got to his pew, he told his father, "Don't pay for me, Daddy. I'm under five."
Prayers
The Sunday School teacher asked, "Now, Bobby, do you say your prayers before you eat?"
"No, sir, we don't have to," Bobby replied. "My mom's a good cook."
Elijah and the Prophets of Baal
A Sunday School teacher told her class about the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. The prophets of Baal tried to get their god to send fire to ignite the offering they had put on their altar. Of course, their god couldn't do it. Then Elijah put his offering of a bull on an altar. But before he called on God to ignite it from heaven, he had the people pour water on the bull four times. The teacher asked the class if they knew why Elijah would do that.
A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "I know, I know," she said, "To make the gravy!"
Lot's Wife
A Sunday School teacher was telling the class about how Lot's wife looked back at the city while they were fleeing its destruction, even though God had forbidden her to. She then turned into a pillar of salt.
A little boy interrupted her and said, "My mommy looked back one time while she was driving the car and she turned into a street lamp."
The Good Samaritan
A Sunday School class was learning about the Good Samaritan. To make the story vivid to the children, teacher told the story in detail, describing how the Samaritan was beaten, robbed, then left for dead. Then she asked the class what they would do if they saw someone on the side of the road, beaten and all bloody. A little girl quietly replied, "I think I'd throw up."
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Who's the Higher Power?
A Sunday School teacher was teaching her class about the powerful Kings and Queens of the Old Testament. "But there is a higher power. Does any one know what it is?"
One little boy said, "Sure. Aces."
How Moses Crossed the Red Sea
A mother asked her nine-year-old son what he learned in Sunday School that day. He said the teacher told them how God sent Moses behind enemy lines to rescue the Israelites and lead them out of Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea, the army built a pontoon bridge and everyone walked across safely. Then they saw the Egyptians coming, so Moses radioed for reinforcements. Bombers came and blew up the bridge, so the people were saved.
His mother asked, "Is that really what the teacher said?"
"No," he replied, "but if I told it the way the teacher did, youa��d never believe it."
The Lord is My Shepherd
A Sunday School teacher decided to teach her young class the 23 rd Psalm. After church, a mother asked her daughter what she learned that day in class. The little girl replied, "The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!"
Be Not Afraid
After church one day, a mother asked her daughter what the Sunday School lesson was about. The daughter replied, "Dona��t' be scared, you'll get your quilt." The mother was perplexed and couldn't figure out what her daughter could be referring to. So she called the teacher and asked her what the lesson was. The teacher said, "Be not afraid, your Comforter will come."
Jesus' Father's Name
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
They all knew. "Mary," they answered in unison.
The teacher then asked, "Does anyone know what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid shot up his hand and said, "Verge."
The teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The little kid said, "You know, Verge n' Mary.
My kids Father and I have been separated for a year and some months now and now we live in two different states. I live in California and he lives in Colorado. He had filed for visitation rights where as we made an agreement with the court involved that I would have our kids for 6 months and switch where he has our kids for 6 months until our kids started school they will than start visiting their Father every summer break and every other holidays. Our daughter is 5yrs old and she is in kindergarten. Our son is 4years old and he is not in school. I really don't want to separate my kids being that my son has to go to Colorado and since my daughters in school she will be staying home with me in California. Here is my reason: My kids father had our kids from December 3rd till July 1st of 2009(very painful but I did it for the kids) and since they were there in Colorado I was getting calls from my ex coworker stating that my kids Great grandmother visited the office crying and stating that the kids need to go home (back to my house)and that the kids are not eating right and need some clothes, they need love in their life etc. She even told me her self. That had made me very concerned. and now that I have my babies they tell me me how their Daddy was mad and broke the table and push his girlfriend down the stairs. That concerned me too because he was abusive to me in front of our kids when we were together at the time.February is coming where my son has to go to Colorado with his Father alone for 6month-I don't want to separate my kids..it would hurt my son's heart plus my daughter and I. I thought this would be good for the kids but really it's not and I don't know what I was thinking to agree with their father. Our kids are too young to be going through this crazy feeling of being separated for so long (6 months)...SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO KEEP MY SON HERE WITH ME AND HIS SISTER TILL SUMMER WHERE HE CAN GO WITH HIS SISTER!!! PLEASE!!!!
My kids Father and I have been separated for a year and some months now and now we live in two different states. I live in California and he lives in Colorado. He had filed for visitation rights where as we made an agreement with the court involved that I would have our kids for 6 months and switch where he has our kids for 6 months until our kids started school they will than start visiting their Father every summer break and every other holidays. Our daughter is 5yrs old and she is in kindergarten. Our son is 4years old and he is not in school. I really don't want to separate my kids being that my son has to go to Colorado and since my daughters in school she will be staying home with me in California. Here is my reason: My kids father had our kids from December 3rd till July 1st of 2009(very painful but I did it for the kids) and since they were there in Colorado I was getting calls from my ex coworker stating that my kids Great grandmother visited the office crying and stating that the kids needed to go home (back to my house)and that the kids are not eating right and need some clothes, they need love in their life etc. That had made me very concerned. and now that I have my babies they tell me me how their Daddy was mad and broke the table and fights with his girlfriend. That concerned me too because he was abusive to me in front of our kids when we were together at the time.I don't want to separate my kids because our son has to go out there alone ..it would hurt my son's heart plus my daughter and I. I thought this would be good for the kids but really it's not and I don't know what I was thinking agreeing with their father. Our kids are too young to be going through this crazy feeling of being separated...SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO KEEP MY SON HERE WITH ME AND HIS SISTER TILL SUMMER WHERE HE CAN GO WITH HIS SISTER!!! PLEASE!!!!
My hubby has 3 kids, a set of twins (17 yrs old) and a 14 yr old son. He has been divorced from their mother for about 7 yrs. He calls the kids every night and we get them every weekend from Friday to Sunday. In Jan 2010 I will be in the picture for 3 yrs. Before I came along the youngest son was sleeping with daddy. When my hubby moved in with me he remolded the basement for the boys. The youngest will not sleep down there, he sleeps on the sofa every weekend. Now if daddy sleeps down there, he will sleep down there.
My hubby revolves the entire weekend around this child. He is permitted to sleep on the sofa, keep his belongings in the dining room, sits in front of the living room tv and controls the remote. He will sit and play video games for hours upon hours on this tv. He will not go outside unless daddy is out there. He will not help his daddy such as cut grass or stack fire wood. He has bikes and motor bikes but wont ride them unless daddy is outside to watch him. If my hubby isn't sitting beside of him on the sofa then the child will sit on whatever end of the sofa that my hubby is near and they will stroke each other hands. One morning I awoke to find my hubby sitting on the chair beside the sofa stroking this child's head as he slept. As soon as my hubby hears that this child is awake, he flies out of bed and fixes his breakfast. He fixes his plate for every meal including even a sandwhich. Several times my hubby has slept in the living room with this child claiming it is either too hot or too cold in our bedroom. He will take this boy hunting or fishing every weekend or do something with him. Whenever we go out to eat he allows this child to decide where we are going. This boy whines and talks like a baby constantly and his older brother and sister are always asking him why he acts this way here and not at there moms. They tell him to stop whining and to grow up. One time his older brother was watching a movie that showed women's breast and this boy said "this movie has boobies in it". He never talks about girls and if there are kids at the house with his brother, he still hangs out with daddy. When we have friends over he is sitting right there with the adults. As for my hubby's other two kids, he pays no attention to his daughter. His son is at the age where he hangs put with his friends. So actually they are hardly around. The 17 yr old never acted like this and he was 14 when I met him. He was very mature.
I noticed when this child's mom is around he doesn't act like this.
My hubby totally ignores me on the weekend. Everything is for this child. My hubby and I were spending some time which is very little together by building wooden objects. He said this would be "our thing", last weekend he told this child that it would be their wood shop and even made him his own work area. I am not only pissed but hurt. This child controls everything!
I thought they were freaky so people would stare and point at them?
I was eating a sandwich at a place and a skinny young punk (he was a punk, not being mean) comes in. Spiky green hair, tattoos, leather and chains, piercings in his face and where ever, and I ask my 5 yr old daughter if she thought Daddy should get his hair cut like that and get that same outfit. She giggled and said no.
Anyway when the punk gets his sandwich and leaves he calls me an asshole and gives me the finger.
What's the point of acting like an outcast if you want people to treat you like you're normal?
my next door neighboor has 2 daughters. they always come over to play and eat almost all my food. they're chubby, especially the younger one, maggie. they swim in my pool and jump on my trampoline. yesterday, they set up a pool. Their youngest daughter told us that his daddy says that we cannot swim in their pool unless we tear down ours. we've been letting them swim in our pool for 3 years!!! we've been like a second home to them too! when we go to their house, we don't get respected as much as they do in our house. one time, their daughter came over to our house and brought chips. they wouldn't let our kids have any. she says it was only for her. she also says that if she lets us have her chips, her mom would kill her. Her family is very very selfish. So, what can we do about it?
You need to know a little bit about my situation. My mother was a widow at 20 yrs old with 3 young children 1 girl 2 boys. My mother and father met and married, I was born 3 years later.I was never part of the family it was them and then me always just at the edge looking in. I always knew my mother hated me, and before you say she didn't really, In 1995 in front of my sister, her 2 daughters and my father she looked me dead in the eyes and said "I despise the day you were ever born because you are a GD "P*****last name with held" Everyone was speechless I said "Thank you for saying that because I had always told them you hated me and now they know it to be true. My mother died a few years ago and I thought me and daddy would finally get to have time together and have the relationship that was not possible because of her. It didn't happen that way, it is the same now as it always has been. There is just dad, sissy and me left everyone else as died. Remember he is not her biological father, he is mine .
Now What Would You Do?
I was going to cook spaghetti and take it over to dad's and my sister was going to be there also. All 3 of us together.
Before sissy and I had talked she didn't know about the plan, dad hadn't said anything to her so she said they would go out to eat.
When ask if he would rather have spaghetti with both of us or go out to eat with just her, he chose to go out to eat with her and No he did not ask me to go with them but wants me to make the spaghetti and bring it over to him one night next week?
What would you do?
My mother's first husband died
I GET A MONTH OR TWO BEHIND ON MY CHILD SUPPORT AND THEY PUT ME IN JAIL. DO I HAVE ANY RIGHTS TO FIGHT THIS?
I get 980.00 a month I pay 210.00 a month child support. Sometimes I get behind and then they put me in jail. Is there anything I can do about it? My ex lives in another state and uses the money for dope and gave up the children for adpotion when they were small and she still gets the money.
4 weeks ago
Actually we are not divorced, I do not want to start this off by lying.So i want to start by saying I do not use the back support (18 years he didn't pay) for dope. I spend it on my grand daughter as much as I can My 20 yr old (grand daughter's mother) does not want anything to do with the money from a convicted child molester. Yes I did do drugs for many years after that (but have been clean for many more) and did lose my children to the system but never lost custody and we are a very happy family right now today but there will always be a scar in there heart due to there father........No longer called DADDY He says he gets 980.00 and pays 210.00 I do not see 210.00 all I recieve is 103.50 I am on disability (been on it all my life) 674.00 With that and the little I do recieve from him I help support 2 of my grown children and my 1yr old grand daughter If he really thinks he has it so bad I could go after him for support on the youngest who is now 18yrs old but like his older sister he doesn't want anything from him either. Yes I did not fully raise my/our children because of my drug abuse but I was there I went to ball games took them out to eat snuck phone calls to them talk to them on line and every chance I got I drove by the house that they lived in just to catch a chance of seeing them outside playing. Where was he? In and out of prison for child molestation on his 5yr old step daughter. No phone calls or letters to his children NOTHING and he wants to complain NOW Bull**it I have tried to make a desent life for my children since getting clean April 19 was my 7 year birthday
I am very ashamed of myself I helped destroyed my children lives, but my husband has no right to be upset because he has to pay child support. We had a good life before he uncaringly took apart a childs hopes and dreams and in the process helped destroy a good future for the rest of his family. And yes your right Layla Rae takes Gun I could care less that my husband has little to no money to live on ( i feel sorry for his sister and brother-in-law whom he lives with) but I don't have time to sit on my a** and take I took for too many years now I try to give back I am not saying that I am perfect Not even close but I try to make amends for the wrongs that I have done I live in a community of disabled people so I help take care of them, when I am able
No I do not get disability due to my prior drug use I was born disabled and have learn to overcome that.
My children has suffered severly because of me, I should have put my feelings and so forth aside and thought solely of my childre
And thought solely of my children but I didn't and since getting clean I have been trying to build a stronger relationship with them WHAT HAS HE DONE? NOTHING!!!
And yes I do know what it feels like to have to pay money to someone while being broke or go to jail. Every month I pay fines and restitution for the wrongs that I have done and if I don't pay I also will go to jailBut I am not complaining. And by the way I paid child support while my children were in the system Yes even though I paid while absent I still owe them a LIFETIME
Re:EDIT: Where did I lie Lyla Rea Takes Gun I have not lied.Inall actuality I have been brutily honest and in the process have taken a deeper look into my life so I want to thank you for that
+
And how can you say I do not believe in God. It is only with God that I am clean and that my family is coming back together and I thank Him everyday not once but several times I am greatful that we have a father that is so forgiving and non-judgemental unlike the majority of society. And there are several other things that I disagree on what you have said but I am done trying to explain myself because the only one I need to explain to is God and I don't have to do that with him because He knows all!!!
a�?Come back daddy,a�? I remember my daughter telling me with her big, soft eyes pleading me.
I clearly remember looking her straight in the eyes and confidently saying, a�?I promise.a�?
Then, I gave her a big hug, and I left. I left her with my sister looking after her. I left to war. To the war that would end thousands of lives.
So here I am now. The date is exactly June 26, 1950. It is one day after the war between South Korea and North Korea had started. Thousands of other soldiers like me are standing right beside me, in an orderly line. The soft whispers of worry, and anxiety flows through the dry, cracked lips from soldier to soldier. But I stay quiet, not wanting to say anything. The rhythmic beat of the feet shuffling are inevitably loud. With every step, clouds of dust are flying everywhere, causing soldiers to cough.
My once shiny black boots are being spoiled by the dirty brown dust. It is now coated in mud and dirt. But my green cotton trouser and shirt are immaculate. But in the hot, scorching sun above, my cotton uniform is causing me to sweat. There is no breeze of air, and it is extremely humid. Straight ahead of me, I can see heat waves, waving up and down. I desperately need water, but I am too afraid to ask my general to give me water. The trees to the side do not wave back and forth, but instead, they stand perfectly still. The grass is turning yellow, and mosquitoes are eating us alive.
My brown helmet is shielding my head and my long black hair. Sweat slowly trickles down my short, stubby face, and my big, clumsy hands are clamped onto my gun.
I hold my gun straight against my chest, as I march. I had never held a gun before. To be honest, I am quite afraid to be holding this gun at the moment. I remember when my general handed me this gun. I was almost afraid to accept it.
a�?Do you know where we are going?a�? suddenly asks one of the soldiers next to me.
I look over at him, and he is sweating bucket fulla��s of water. He has a worried expression to his face, and he looks as if he is going to faint in any moment. But for some odd reason, his eyes are twinkling, as if he is excited for something. a�?No,a�? I respond. a�?Ia��ve got no clue where we are going,a�? I say truthfully.
a�?Okay,a�? he simply replies.
Straight ahead of me, I see some armored tanks and cars. They are strolling along in search of any danger. The grey, suffocating steam bubbles out of the back, and rise into the perfect blue sky.
I have got no clue what this war is going to be like. I am anxious to know and find out how this war will unravel. But I do know that this war is going to end many innocent lives. It is also going to the ruin the country as a whole. I know that this war is going to be filled with pain and sorrow that will be drowned throughout the nation.
a�?Where are the North Koreans?a�? asks the same soldier beside me.
a�?I dona��t know,a�? I reply with the same answer.
a�?This is going to be so much fun. Ia��ve never used a gun before, and I finally get to use one now. This is such an exciting adventure,a�? he says, with his eyes gleaming with excitement.
I look over at him, and I think that he is crazy. How can war be so much fun? In a way, I wish that I am as excited as he is. I wouldna��t have the fear and the nervousness inside me. I wish that I can pretend that this is all an exciting adventure as well. But I cana��t. Ia��m not that type of person. My tame, quiet personality doesna��t allow me to even think and pretend that sort of way.
I look at my watch and the two arrows point at exactly 12:00. We are still walking down this lonely, dirty path. It is soon lunch time. I can feel blisters start to form underneath my feet. They hurt, and I try to walk on the sides of my feet, so I can avoid popping the blisters.
Suddenly, a loud roar coming from every side deafens my ear. Through the entire deafening rumble, I hear what sounds like a whisper, a�?Down! Down! Down!a�?
Obediently, I collapse to the ground. My heart beats so fast, that it feels like ita��s all the way up my throat, and sweat quickly rolls down the side of my face. I place my arms over my head, and I try to regain my focus. Through all of the madness, I realize that all of the loud noises are the sounds of the gunshots ripping through the air.
Through all of the gunshots, I can still hear the loud shrieks of the soldiers that are getting shot at the moment. All around me, I see soldiers falling down onto the ground, with big red stains on their chests.
Beside me, I see the young soldier who had just conversed with me a while ago. His face is smiling with excitement, and he shoots his gun like a mad man. He shouts in delight.
Suddenly, I realize what a coward I am. I can barely stand up and use my gun. All around me soldiers are dying, but here I am huddled up, protecting myself from all of the madness and evil. Why did I even sign up to fight in
2 days ago - 2 days left to answer.
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this war? Was it because I was so patriotic for my countr
country? Was it because I didna��t want my country to become communist?
I dona��t want to be in this war. I want to feel the warmth of my daughter in my arms, and I want to protect her. My hearta��s racing, but no matter how much I regret signing up for this war, I have to help fight for my country now. There is no backing out now. I signed up, and I am a man of integrity.
So I stand up, with my legs trembling with everlasting fear. With my legs shaking, I try to balance myself, and focus on the enemy. Through all of the madness, I spot a North Korean. He has his back faced towards me, and ita��s a clear shot for me.
I lift my gun, and I focus on my victim. My fingers are placed on the trigger, but I cana��t shoot. I cana��t help myself to shoot him. If I shoot him, I am no different from everyone else here.
As I stand there with my fingers trembling on the trigger, I think to myself. Is war the real answer to any conflict? Why is violence the solution to everything? Why cana��t we just talk everything out? Mankind has become so violent and evil. Is it so hard to love everyone and treat everyone like our brothea�� a�?AHHH!a�? I yell out in pain.
Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain in my leg. I collapse onto the ground, and everything is dizzy. My leg goes numb, and I start seeing things. I still see the soldiers shooting, and I can still hear the loud rumbles of the war, but something is different. I cana��t put any pressure on my left leg, and I topple onto the ground.
My head is suddenly light, and then I feel the pain in my leg. The numbness disappears, and excruciating pain takes its spot. My leg throbs, and I beg for help. But my shouts are not heard throughout the madness. Why cana��t anyone hear me? Why cana��t anyone help me? I wave my arms back and forth, but no response comes forth. I sit there stranded. I feel isolated, and I suddenly feel lonely.
I look down at my leg, and I see the red stain growing bigger and bigger. Finally, my trouser and shirt are dirty. It wasna��t dirty before, but it is nowa��
Oh no, I think. It cana��t be. I place my hands on the side of my neck, and all I see is a puddle of thick red blood glued onto the palm of my hands. There is no pain, for I am dazed. I just sit there while the war continues. The throbbing in my leg continues, and the bleeding from my neck continues.
As every second passes by, I am losing more blood from my neck. With every second, I start to feel dizzier and dizzier. Soon, my vision starts to fuzz up and I know that I am becoming blind. My body aches, and my ears hurt from all of the traffic around me. I feel like staying here. I feel like dying. I want to give up. But just as that thought passes through my mind, I see my daughter standing right beside me. Her bright white dress illuminates everything around me, and her glowing eyes make me want to smile. But she has a worried look on her face. With her outstretched arms, she says, a�?Come back daddy.a�?
I look at her, and I can barely force the two simple words out of my mouth. With struggle, I painfully force out, a�?I promise.a�? Then suddenly, she disappears. I frantically look for her, but shea��s gone.
Soon, it feels like therea��s hope again. I cana��t die. Not when I had promised my daughter that I would come back.
I try to focus onto something with my blurry vision. That something gets closer to me. I look at his uniform, and a red cross is taped onto his shirt.
a�?Youa��re going to be fine,a�? says the gentleman with the Red Cross on his shirt. a�?Youa��re in good handsa��I promise.a�?
a�?Come back daddy,a�? I remember my daughter telling me with her big, soft eyes pleading me.
I clearly remember looking her straight in the eyes and confidently saying, a�?I promise.a�?
Then, I gave her a big hug, and I left. I left her with my sister looking after her. I left to war. To the war that would end thousands of lives.
So here I am now. The date is exactly June 26, 1950. It is one day after the war between South Korea and North Korea had started. Thousands of other soldiers like me are standing right beside me, in an orderly line. The soft whispers of worry, and anxiety flows through the dry, cracked lips from soldier to soldier. But I stay quiet, not wanting to say anything. The rhythmic beat of the feet shuffling are inevitably loud. With every step, clouds of dust are flying everywhere, causing soldiers to cough.
My once shiny black boots are being spoiled by the dirty brown dust. It is now coated in mud and dirt. But my green cotton trouser and shirt are immaculate. But in the hot, scorching sun above, my cotton uniform is causing me to sweat. There is no breeze of air, and it is extremely humid. Straight ahead of me, I can see heat waves, waving up and down. I desperately need water, but I am too afraid to ask my general to give me water. The trees to the side do not wave back and forth, but instead, they stand perfectly still. The grass is turning yellow, and mosquitoes are eating us alive.
My brown helmet is shielding my head and my long black hair. Sweat slowly trickles down my short, stubby face, and my big, clumsy hands are clamped onto my gun.
I hold my gun straight against my chest, as I march. I had never held a gun before. To be honest, I am quite afraid to be holding this gun at the moment. I remember when my general handed me this gun. I was almost afraid to accept it.
a�?Do you know where we are going?a�? suddenly asks one of the soldiers next to me.
I look over at him, and he is sweating bucket fulla��s of water. He has a worried expression to his face, and he looks as if he is going to faint in any moment. But for some odd reason, his eyes are twinkling, as if he is excited for something. a�?No,a�? I respond. a�?Ia��ve got no clue where we are going,a�? I say truthfully.
a�?Okay,a�? he simply replies.
Straight ahead of me, I see some armored tanks and cars. They are strolling along in search of any danger. The grey, suffocating steam bubbles out of the back, and rise into the perfect blue sky.
I have got no clue what this war is going to be like. I am anxious to know and find out how this war will unravel. But I do know that this war is going to end many innocent lives. It is also going to the ruin the country as a whole. I know that this war is going to be filled with pain and sorrow that will be drowned throughout the nation.
a�?Where are the North Koreans?a�? asks the same soldier beside me.
a�?I dona��t know,a�? I reply with the same answer.
a�?This is going to be so much fun. Ia��ve never used a gun before, and I finally get to use one now. This is such an exciting adventure,a�? he says, with his eyes gleaming with excitement.
I look over at him, and I think that he is crazy. How can war be so much fun? In a way, I wish that I am as excited as he is. I wouldna��t have the fear and the nervousness inside me. I wish that I can pretend that this is all an exciting adventure as well. But I cana��t. Ia��m not that type of person. My tame, quiet personality doesna��t allow me to even think and pretend that sort of way.
I look at my watch and the two arrows point at exactly 12:00. We are still walking down this lonely, dirty path. It is soon lunch time. I can feel blisters start to form underneath my feet. They hurt, and I try to walk on the sides of my feet, so I can avoid popping the blisters.
Suddenly, a loud roar coming from every side deafens my ear. Through the entire deafening rumble, I hear what sounds like a whisper, a�?Down! Down! Down!a�?
Obediently, I collapse to the ground. My heart beats so fast, that it feels like ita��s all the way up my throat, and sweat quickly rolls down the side of my face. I place my arms over my head, and I try to regain my focus. Through all of the madness, I realize that all of the loud noises are the sounds of the gunshots ripping through the air.
Through all of the gunshots, I can still hear the loud shrieks of the soldiers that are getting shot at the moment. All around me, I see soldiers falling down onto the ground, with big red stains on their chests.
Beside me, I see the young soldier who had just conversed with me a while ago. His face is smiling with excitement, and he shoots his gun like a mad man. He shouts in delight.
Suddenly, I realize what a coward I am. I can barely stand up and use my gun. All around me soldiers are dying, but here I am huddled up, protecting myself from all of the madness and evil. Why did I even sign up to fight in
this war? Was it because I was so patriotic for my country? Was it because I didna��t want my country to become communist?
I dona��t want to be in this war. I want to feel the warmth of my daughter in my arms, and I want to protect her. My hearta��s racing, but no matter how much I regret signing up for this war, I have to help fight for my country now. There is no backing out now. I signed up, and I am a man of integrity.
So I stand up, with my legs trembling with everlasting fear. With my legs shaking, I try to balance myself, and focus on the enemy. Through all of the madness, I spot a North Korean. He has his back faced towards me, and ita��s a clear shot for me.
I lift my gun, and I focus on my victim. My fingers are placed on the trigger, but I cana��t shoot. I cana��t help myself to shoot him. If I shoot him, I am no different from everyone else here.
As I stand there with my fingers trembling on the trigger, I think to myself. Is war the real answer to any conflict? Why is violence the solution to everything? Why cana��t we just talk everything out? Mankind has become so violent and evil. Is it so hard to love everyone and treat everyone like our brothea�� a�?AHHH!a�? I yell out in pain.
Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain in my leg. I collapse onto the ground, and everything is dizzy. My leg goes numb, and I start seeing things. I still see the soldiers shooting, and I can still hear the loud rumbles of the war, but something is different. I cana��t put any pressure on my left leg, and I topple onto the ground.
My head is suddenly light, and then I feel the pain in my leg. The numbness disappears, and excruciating pain takes its spot. My leg throbs, and I beg for help. But my shouts are not heard throughout the madness. Why cana��t anyone hear me? Why cana��t anyone help me? I wave my arms back and forth, but no response comes forth. I sit there stranded. I feel isolated, and I suddenly feel lonely.
I look down at my leg, and I see the red stain growing bigger and bigger. Finally, my trouser and shirt are dirty. It wasna��t dirty before, but it is nowa��
Oh no, I think. It cana��t be. I place my hands on the side of my neck, and all I see is a puddle of thick red blood glued onto the palm of my hands. There is no pain, for I am dazed. I just sit there while the war continues. The throbbing in my leg continues, and the bleeding from my neck continues.
As every second passes by, I am losing more blood from my neck. With every second, I start to feel dizzier and dizzier. Soon, my vision starts to fuzz up and I know that I am becoming blind. My body aches, and my ears hurt from all of the traffic around me. I feel like staying here. I feel like dying. I want to give up. But just as that thought passes through my mind, I see my daughter standing right beside me. Her bright white dress illuminates everything around me, and her glowing eyes make me want to smile. But she has a worried look on her face. With her outstretched arms, she says, a�?Come back daddy.a�?
I look at her, and I can barely force the two simple words out of my mouth. With struggle, I painfully force out, a�?I promise.a�? Then suddenly, she disappears. I frantically look for her, but shea��s gone.
Soon, it feels like therea��s hope again. I cana��t die. Not when I had promised my daughter that I would come back.
I try to focus onto something with my blurry vision. That something gets closer to me. I look at his uniform, and a red cross is taped onto his shirt.
a�?Youa��re going to be fine,a�? says the gentleman with the Red Cross on his shirt. a�?Youa��re in good handsa��I promise.a�?
God bless them, they are the sweetest people I've ever met, but they are so unbelievably annoying! Ever since my son was born they have had no problem in telling me that I was doing something wrong! Father-in-law kept pressuring us to breastfeed (which I did whole-heartedly) and then when I exclusively breastfeed, he thinks the baby couldn't have gotten enough to eat, even though he was growing like a weed, so tried getting us to supplement with formula! My sister-in-law b****ed about me patting my son on the back "too hard" when I was trying to burp him, like her little 17-year-old self would know. My FIL constantly went on and on about how I didn't need to start feeding my son regular food because he couldn't digest it properly at 7 months (it's not like I gave him T-bones and chips or anything), how I didn't need to get him off the bottle until he was 1, and constantly getting on my husband's butt about how he takes care of our child (he could use some improvement on the quantity of care, but definately not the quality). Just yesterday my SIL kept taking sticks away from my almost 17 month old son saying they were too dangerous and he needed to find smaller sticks to play with, when she had just taken one that was no bigger than his hand away! That night I was letting him practice eating with a fork and they get all over me about how he's too young to bother with that and how I should just let him be a baby! They even got on to me about switching his fork from his left hand to his right hand (I'm not obsessed with him being a righty,... just encouraging him to use it. If he ends up being a lefty, so be it). I am just getting so incredibly fed up with it all! I tell them nicely that it's okay, this is what I want him to do as his MOTHER, but they are unrelenting. I don't like the thought of raising an overly-dependant child that needs Mommy and Daddy to do everything for him, like he did. Son doesn't feel comfortable hooking up his own washer and dryer with instructions so calls his Daddy to come do it for him (didn't even let me look at it and I've done it before), and daughter is so spoiled and insecure she didn't even feel comfortable getting an ATM card on her own. I'm just trying to encourage him to do more and better, but I never force him. What is their deal?? And how can I tell them just to back the **** up?
Who said anything about me living with them? This is all over a course of 17 months.
Friday morning, 2/13/09, my daughter put her cell phone down on top of her work out clothes by the front door. She went to eat breakfast, came back and it was gone. My oldest daughter was upstairs and my youngest was already at school. No one touched it. We looked all morning and that evening and never found it. She found it in the playroom, on top of my 9 year old's bookshelf, in the corner. We had looked there several times. Also, on Friday afternoon, my husband got home from work (he was alone), walked in the house and heard someone walking around upstairs, then a door slam. He went upstairs to find nothing. All the doors were open and no one was there. The next day (Saturday, 2/14/09), I went upstairs to my bathroom and felt a chill all over my body, I started shaking and ran downstairs. Saturday night, my kids were visiting their dad, so we left our bedroom door open. We fell asleep and hubby woke up at 3am to the sounds of little footsteps running into our bedroom, then it stopped and he felt a chill all over his body. During that same night I was awakened (but never opened my eyes - I was too scared), to a sensation on my stomach area. It felt like a cat was brushing up against my stomach and then between my back and my husband. The sensation went back and forth (much like an animal does when it's trying to get comfortable), then it finally settled down against my stomach (I was sleeping on my side with my husband holding me. I prayed a prayer, started to go back to sleep and heard a purring sound. Sunday night (2/15/09), 2 of my 3 kids were home for the night. My daughter, Jordan, was home alone while my husband and youngest went out for a bit. While we were gone, my middle child felt chills all over her body. She rushed up to her room and locked herself in. When she got in her room, she heard creeks in the hallway, like something was walking around. She turned on the radio to mask the noise and took a shower, all the while shaking like a leaf. When we returned home, my oldest daughter's light and fan were on full blast (she wasn't home and hadn't been home all weekend). That same night, my youngest (9 yrs old), couldn't sleep. We finally got her to sleep and I went to bed. As soon as we settled down to sleep, our room was quiet, we heard footsteps outside our bedroom door. Then we heard a little girls' voice and a knock. My husband checked to see if it was my daughter, but it wasn't (she was asleep). She eventually ended up coming to our door an hours later & knocked. My husband put her back to bed and came to bed. I was asleep during this time. Finally, she came in at 245am and I told my husband I would put her back to sleep. I laid down in her bed and I heard the creaking of the floor again, but this time in her room. My husband told me the next day that once I left, the noises and the creaking outside in the hallway stopped. Whatever it was, I believe followed me into my daughter's room. He came for me 10 min later to have me come back to bed and my daughter woke up. I told her to come sleep with us because we all had to get some sleep. She came in our bed, snuggled up and fell back asleep. As soon as she fell asleep, my husband and I heard a purring sound - the same sound I had heard the night before when I felt that sensation all over my body. Finally it ceased and we all went to sleep.
Monday night (2/16/09)- my daughter's were at their dad's house for the night. We went to bed at 10pm. Before we laid down in the bed, I told my husband to sit on the bed real quiet and see if any of the noises started. We sat for a couple of minutes, but heard nothing. We got ready for bed, laid down, and within minutes, the creaking outside our locked bedroom door started. No one was home. It sounded the same as the night before, like something was walking around right outside our bedroom door. We laid there for a minute, said a prayer and my husband fell asleep. Once her started snoring, I could hear the creaking, but it got louder. I said out loud, "I have got to get some sleep." The noises ceased and I slept all night with no problems. Tuesday night, 2/17/09 - My in-laws came over and we anointed every doorway with oil and prayed over each room. We blessed the house, basically. That night we slept so sound. No noises. Nothing. It was awesome. Wednesday, 2/18/09 - We went to sleep and we heard noises again. Creaks, but this time they were different. We thought it was perhaps the wind, because that was the night of the tornadoes and thunderstorms. Thursday morning (2/19/09) - my youngest came in at 630am and said she had a nightmare that my hubbay and I died and she had to go live with her daddy. She was very sad. Thursday night, 2/19/09 - We set up a camera in the hallway (as suggested by many websites), to pick up any sound. We left the camera on for 25 minutes. When we watched it, we heard 4 popping / creaking sounds, that were picked up on the camera - They registered on our tape at these time fram
Ok - before you all start ranting at me, I dont mean for a second i'm going to give my child an extra hot vindaloo.
My cousins baby (1weeks younger than my own daughter) - they are 18m BTW - is eating curries, like if they get a takeaway, the baby gets some too.
I was somewhat surprised when they told me this. For 2 reasons - I thought it would burn the mouth off of a child, and because generally chinese take away is considered uhealthy.
I have been considering making a home made curry for my daughter for a few days, but again - how spicy, I dont know.
She is an amazing eater, I have never fed her something she turned her nose up at. I have started giving her savoury rices and such, but no curry sauces. She likes pepper, her daddy puts pepper on his food and she picks from his plate and will eat things with pepper on.
So when would you recommend spices, or when did you start spices.
Pippin - I tend to disagree - the curry she gives her daughter IS unhealthy, Ive seen it - grease settling on the top of it. Greasy fried rice? I dont want to give my child grease soaked food - hence why if I was going to give her curry, it would be my OWN home made curry, and not one knocked up in 5min from a questionable takeaway
Pippin - I respect your answer, I do. But I dont want to get my child into habits my mother allowed me to get into. I was extremely overweight as a child, and it was down to poor diet and no exercise. I dont want my child to develop a taste for unheathy, greasy food. I know i cannot shield her from her, but Im practicing the whole - they cant want what they dont know. I have offered my child small tastes of chocolate, etc and she has spat it back at me and stamped her feet at the fridge because she knows there is melon in there. while she naturally does not have a sweet tooth I dont want to give her a taste of junk food - even if it is just once in a while. Im not insulting those who do - but from personal experience, and from someone who still struggles to eat healthily - I just dont want to do it at all.
My son's wife has a 10 yr old daughter from her 1st marriage and a 4 yr old daughter with my son. The oldest daughter goes to visit her dad every other weekend. When they got home from school on Fri both girls were allowed one ice cream. Both have their favorites.The oldest likes fudge bars and the youngest likes strawberry. The oldest ate her fudge bar and took the box of strawberry ice cream which had 11 left in it and ate all of them within 20 mins before her dad came to pick her up. She hid the empty box and ice cream sticks behind the freezer. When her mom asked her why she did that she screamed at her mom that she wants to live with her daddy. She takes black markers and draws on her sisters clothes. She breaks her toys. She draws on the walls and toliet seat cover and tries to blame it on her sister. The school has reported that she has taken her 4 yr old sister to different parts of the school and left her there so she wouldnt know how to get to her class in the mornings. Pushed her in the a closet and left her there at the school once. The school resolved that issue. Why does she do these things? Why did she eat strawberry ice cream that she doesnt like ?
Her parents divorced when she was less than a year old. Her dad also has another child, a boy about 3 yrs old and he said she acts the same way when she visits on weekends. I suspect that she feels unwanted. By both parents. And the sad thing is that it is true. Her parents were teenagers when she was born. So they married, had the baby and immediately separated and divorced. Both has said an abortion would have been their choice if their parents had allowed it. Now they have this child that they did not want, still do not want that both of them try to push off on the other and she is showing some serious signs of problems. Much too complicated to elaborate here. I dont want to be a meddling mother-in-law and even if I was, I dont know what to say or do about it. I have talked to my daughter-in-law and suggested counseling for both of them.
There seems to be a great deal of things in society that are judged as 'black and white' and 'right and wrong' and yet it seems that so many of them have such huge variables that these calls cannot be made practically.
We've heard of those parents who work so much they neglect their child. The community uproars and says 'You are a neglectful parent, you are bad, look at what you are doing to your child, look at how you are affecting them emotionally and psychologically. Your child should come first, not a job, not money. How despicable of you to let this happen.'
What if this parent is working 17 hour days just to make ends meet? Just to make sure he and his daughter have a roof over their heads and can eat at least semi-properly. He knows that if he does not work his ass off like this then the rent would not be payed and food would not be bought, they would live in subsidized welfare establishments or he would be on the street and his daughter would be taken away from him and put into a foster home.
He knows that a life in a low income neighborhood would be a horrible place for his daughter to grow up and she would not have the necessary comforts like good clothing and education and food and a healthy community.
He knows that even if he put her up for foster care there would be a risk of an unsafe environment, and the simple experience of being dragged away from her daddy and a loving home would ruin his little girl far worse than his not being able to read her bed time stories.
And yet every time he comes home late and she's waiting at the bottom of the stairs, and he has to hustle her to bed, she needs sleep for school, he sees this look of hurt and confusion in her young eyes. Every time he tells her he loves her but he won't be able to draw with her or take her to the park or do homework, that she should ask the babysitter, and she turns and walks away with a hanging head, and he can't do anything about it.
He tells her constantly that he loves her and he tells her he wishes he could spend more time with her but daddy needs to work or we won't be able to eat good food or have nice things or a nice place to live; she nods and says she understands but he knows she doesn't, that sort of thing doesn't make sense to children deep down inside.
He hugs her and kisses her cheek before running out the door, is it his imagination or is she more distant and stiff every time, is she looking at the floor for a reason? It breaks his heart every time.
And yet he can't escape this cycle of poverty and people say he is a neglectful parent though that couldn't be further from the truth.
It is so easy to jump on the band wagon and judge people but what about those instances when there is no clear line?
What good is caused by the people who jump to conclusions without knowing the full story?
There is no quick, convenient, overall solution.
My daughter is awesome. She just turned three in January, so a very young three. She is very smart, she speaks Spanish and English, she is in tap and ballet class once a week and we spend every waking moment together other than when I am at work. Last week she started being very demanding and down right mean to her friends at school. She has always been very lovie, very sweet. We are a tight family, Daddy and I rarely argue, and when we do we discuss the problem. Sure she is there, but I really feel like she needs to experience all emotions. I dona��t want to her grow up with a complex. We eat dinner as a family, we are just all around very close. I dona��t know how to teach her compassion. I would think it would be something she would learn, but that is how we are, so I am not sure what the deal is. I got her a kitten (which I dona��t even like) to teach her how to be compassionate and caring for her new kitten. I am not sure how to teach something other than show her, which I feel like I do on a daily and very consistence basis. Her teacher at school talked to me last night and said that she has been so demanding that all the other kids dona��t want to play with her anymore. I called my mom and she just laughed at me. She said, well I made it through it somehow, I think I blocked out howa�� LOL I am battling a little mea�� HELP PLEASE!! i?S
My husband died unexpectedly age 45. Our teen daughter took a job to help me financially. I am disabled. She discoverd right at her place of employment several teens and young adults are in the same situation.One guy at work is living with his grandmother otherwise grandma would be on the streets. Another boy is helping his mama too. His papa died unexpectedly age 54. A teen girl is helping her diivorced mama because herr daddy doesn't pay the child support. A few months ago the local school board was considering changing the hours of the school day. Too many of the parents were outraged because this would affect the childrens part time jobs used to help them pay their bills. This made the local media. It is pretty sad that this countries economy got so out of hand that our children are foorced to help us keep shelter over our heads. I had over 50 thousand in my checking account 2 years ago. Back in August my folks had to help me pay to creamate my husband. I wound up eating at the soup kitchen for a couple of months too. How many people are going through this too?
P.S. Not a trick question. I'm using my late husbands yahoo account.
let me preface this with, i am by no means complaining or upset nor would i want it any other way... i love my step daughters and would do anything for them...
it seems, though, ever since i met them almost 2 years ago, they have become completely attached to me, more so then their own mother, in a sense.. we have them 4 days out of the week (50/50 custody). we dont all live together as my fiance and i arent married yet, and we're trying to make the transition for the grils as easy as possible, so for now, we do everything else together, pick them up from school, homework, dinner, showers, play, all the usual family stuff, but i go home at night right after they go to bed... their grandparents are around much of the time as well, because they are used to that, as my fiance spent a lot of time with them after his divorce so his kids would have more family around... but they literally follow me everywhere... they always want to play with me, forget about the others who are around.. they want me to give them their showers, they want me to listen to them tell stories, and so on... more the 7 year old then the 5 year old.. she's still really attached to her daddy, but she still loves to climb all over me... now, i can understand this happening in the beginning as i was a new person, a young female and new friend... but its been a long time, and i would have thought they would have grown tired of me by now, know what i mean... we haev thought that maybe its because i have a mother type role and give them more attention then their own mother does, but really, i'm not sure... what would make them want to be attached at the hip to me, thier fathers fiance?
everyone in our household gives them undivided attention- grandparents and their father... yet, for example, when we're all eating dinner, their grandfather sits at the head of the table, with one kid on each side, then my fiance and thier grandmother on either other side of each kid, then me at the other end, furthest away from them, and they still ask only me to fill their water glasses.. and we all look at them like, how can i reach their glasses and they get it.. but i am literally the first person they ask.
let me preface this with, i am by no means complaining or upset nor would i want it any other way... i love my step daughters and would do anything for them...
it seems, though, ever since i met them almost 2 years ago, they have become completely attached to me, more so then their own mother, in a sense.. we have them 4 days out of the week (50/50 custody). we dont all live together as my fiance and i arent married yet, and we're trying to make the transition for the grils as easy as possible, so for now, we do everything else together, pick them up from school, homework, dinner, showers, play, all the usual family stuff, but i go home at night right after they go to bed... their grandparents are around much of the time as well, because they are used to that, as my fiance spent a lot of time with them after his divorce so his kids would have more family around... but they literally follow me everywhere... they always want to play with me, forget about the others who are around.. they want me to give them their showers, they want me to listen to them tell stories, and so on... more the 7 year old then the 5 year old.. she's still really attached to her daddy, but she still loves to climb all over me... now, i can understand this happening in the beginning as i was a new person, a young female and new friend... but its been a long time, and i would have thought they would have grown tired of me by now, know what i mean... we haev thought that maybe its because i have a mother type role and give them more attention then their own mother does, but really, i'm not sure... what would make them want to be attached at the hip to me, thier fathers fiance?
everyone in our household gives them undivided attention- grandparents and their father... yet, for example, when we're all eating dinner, their grandfather sits at the head of the table, with one kid on each side, then my fiance and thier grandmother on either other side of each kid, then me at the other end, furthest away from them, and they still ask only me to fill their water glasses.. and we all look at them like, how can i reach their glasses and they get it.. but i am literally the first person they ask.
let me preface this with, i am by no means complaining or upset nor would i want it any other way... i love my step daughters and would do anything for them...
it seems, though, ever since i met them almost 2 years ago, they have become completely attached to me, more so then their own mother, in a sense.. we have them 4 days out of the week (50/50 custody). we dont all live together as my fiance and i arent married yet, and we're trying to make the transition for the grils as easy as possible, so for now, we do everything else together, pick them up from school, homework, dinner, showers, play, all the usual family stuff, but i go home at night right after they go to bed... their grandparents are around much of the time as well, because they are used to that, as my fiance spent a lot of time with them after his divorce so his kids would have more family around... but they literally follow me everywhere... they always want to play with me, forget about the others who are around.. they want me to give them their showers, they want me to listen to them tell stories, and so on... more the 7 year old then the 5 year old.. she's still really attached to her daddy, but she still loves to climb all over me... now, i can understand this happening in the beginning as i was a new person, a young female and new friend... but its been a long time, and i would have thought they would have grown tired of me by now, know what i mean... we haev thought that maybe its because i have a mother type role and give them more attention then their own mother does, but really, i'm not sure... what would make them want to be attached at the hip to me, thier fathers fiance?
everyone in our household gives them undivided attention- grandparents and their father... yet, for example, when we're all eating dinner, their grandfather sits at the head of the table, with one kid on each side, then my fiance and thier grandmother on either other side of each kid, then me at the other end, furthest away from them, and they still ask only me to fill their water glasses.. and we all look at them like, how can i reach their glasses and they get it.. but i am literally the first person they think of.
oh wah, poor you... if you don't like it "me" lump it... i like to get different answers from different people who sign on at different times.. big friggin deal.. they're my points, i will do what i wish with them... :P
I've been plotting a fantasy novel concerning the theme of revenge or vengeance. It begins when the protagonist, a young man, is thrown into a survival situation with a family that includes a middle aged husband and wife, their teenage daughter and small boy. The survival setting is sort of a swamp, with dangerous critters in it.
The protagonist saves the daughters' life from a gator-like creature early in the book, and the girl regards him as her hero. But the parents don't want their daughter to have sex yet, so they turn against him.
The group finds the emergency supply dump, but there's not enough food to go around, so while the family members eat well, the protagonist is kept on short rations. Very short. He'd have starved if a rescue party from a searching spaceship had not found them by their cook fire.
On the way through space, the spaceship is damaged and the same small group (the protagonist young man and the four-member family) jets away in an escape pod. The vehicle lands on a much drier planet. There's a few trees and streams, but the planet is mostly scrub forest and desert. The group spreads out to explore their surroundings. This time, the protagonist young man finds the emergency supply dump first, as well as its only key. However, the father of the family finds the weapons dump and its key, and the protagonist hears the gun shot.
Knowing that he isn't strong enough to withhold the key from the father, and not wanting to be starved again, the protagonist raids the food supply dump for as much as he'll need to eat for two weeks, plus one or two other things, relocks the food supply storage locker (which can't be opened without the key because it's built like an armored safe), and heads off into the arid hills.
Daddy-o, back there, has all the guns. But the protagonist has all the food. And he's moving away from Daddy-o as fast as he can hike. When the family finds the locked food compartment, they see the protagonist's footprints and signs that the compartment had recently been opened. The key is nowhere to be found ('cause the protagonist took it with him). The parents figure out that they are being repaid for their earlier unfairness, and Daddy-o vows to hunt down the "miscreant" and force him to give up the key and whatever food he has on him. The chase is on.
Now, the question is: should I allow Daddy-o to catch the protagonist? Or not? If I do, should I make it so that the protagonist wins the fight, or should Daddy-o win? Should the loser be killed or spared? What of the daughter? Would the protagonist or Daddy-o relent for her sake?
How would you write the story?
I know! On the desert planet, I'll have the protagonist run off WITH both the girl and the food. She won't know he's locked the food locker door, though. The protagonist plans to get his revenge on the parents for starving him AND get the girl too! Daddy-o will be hunting the Protag for both the key and his daughter. The Protag will have to prevent the daughter from learning that he's starving her parents and little brother. Heh heh, this could be good!
Sorry its so long. I just want to know if I should add more detail get rid of something( I may or may not get rid of something you suggest just to let you know)
What are your thoughts?
I felt as if fire was running through my veins that night. The wind was howling and I was yelling. But not at nothing I was yelling at my father. He never liked the thought of me dating a wild boy as he called it.
Yes, I was the preachera��s daughter who had fallen in love with my small towna��s bad boy as some of the elder people called him. To me he was just a rough stone that needed to be polished in a few areas and I was just the girl for that job.
a�?Hannah I wona��t allow you to see that boy any more. I cana��t believe you did this behind my back. You sinning and I wona��t allow that in my house.a�?
a�?How can you call love sinning?a�? I retort back. a�?I dona��t care what you say! Ia��m going to see him and therea��s nothing you can do about it.a�? That wasna��t true. I cared about what my father said to me but I knew what I was doing was right. a�?Ia��m seventeen years old why cana��t I date?a�?
a�?You can date! Just not him.a�? Daddy slams his fist down on the table. a�?I just dona��t want to see you get hurt.a�? He closes his eyes and a tear falls down his face. It was his way to make me feel guilty.
So I did the only thing I could do. I went outside where the love of my life was waiting to tell him the bad news.
a�?Johnny, I cana��t see you anymore.a�? I frown. a�?Ia��m sorry.a�? He sits quietly leaning up against his motorcycle arms folded across his chest and his medium length hair swaying slightly in the breeze. He sighs and then his brown eyes dart to mine and he gives me that daring look like I doubt you can do that.
a�?Wea��ll see.a�? He whispers in a sly smile. Then he jumps on his bike and kicks it to life. I watch him fishtail out of the drive way spraying rocks at the house.
a�?That boy is up to no good.a�? My father whispers next to me.
a�?Youa��ll regret this daddy.a�? I say to his face as I turn back to the house.
Later that night as I was helping Momma set the table for dinner I would hear a loud motorcycle that sounded so familiar go by the house several times.
a�?What is all that ruckus?a�? Momma asked looking outside the window as the same motorcycle went by.
a�?I dona��t hear anything.a�? Even though I knew it was Johnny. He was teasing me.
a�?Well lets eat anyways. Call your daddy in. Oh and go change your clothes into something more comfortable. Those jeans look a little tight and that t-shirt is too low.a�?
a�?Ia��m comfortable the way I am.a�? I walk to daddya��s office where he was studying for his Sunday sermon. a�?Dinnera��s ready.a�?
Once we were all seated down for dinner we all held each others hand and Daddy began his prayer.
a�?Dear Heavenly fathera��a�? Motorcycle goes by. a�?Thank you for this wonderful meal anda��a�? Motorcycle goes by again. a�?thank you for our wonderful family and keep us safea��a�? Motorcycle went by again and I was out of my chair. Daddy runs out the door behind me to try and stop me. a�?Get back here young lady!a�? he shouts. I was faster then him. As I knew I say Johnny turn his bike around in the middle of the street. I ran to the drive and I could see his smile as he saw me. He stopped right in front of the drive and I hopped on the back and wrapped my arms around his waste and we were off.
Johnny stopped right outside the city limits at a truck stop.
a�?I cana��t believe you did that!a�? I wrap my arms around him.
a�?Baby Ia��d do anything for you!a�? He smiles at me. Five minuets later I was pacing in front of him freaking out. a�?Oh-my! What the hell was I thinking?a�?
a�?Hecka�? He corrects me. a�?Dona��t curse young lady.a�? He mocks my fathers tone.
a�?Right now I dona��t care. My father is going to kill me when I get home!a�? I smack my forehead.
a�?Then dona��t go home.a�?
a�?Then what am I going to do?a�? I look into his unworried soft brown eyes.
a�?Stay with me.a�? He shrugs.
a�?But tomorrowa��s Sunday. What are they all going to say when they dona��t see me walking in with my parents? What will they say when I walk in with you?a�? I can see I hurt him when he looked away.
a�?Do you want me to take you back?a�?
a�?No.a�? My eyes fill up with tears. a�?I didna��t mean to hurt you.a�? I wipe the tears away. a�?Ia��m sorry.a�? I whisper. He reaches out to me and pulls me close. I tuck my head under his chin sniffling.
a�?Where do you want to stay?a�?
a�?I dona��t know. An old barn or something. I dona��t have any money to find a place.a�?
a�?Ok, I know a few places that are abandon.a�? He kicks the bike to life and waits for me to get on. We drive back a short ways and then he turns off on a road that I couldna��t see. He must have known what he was looking for. And then he stops. I get off a little confused. He lays the bike gently down in some tall grass.
a�?What are we doing?a�?
a�?I cana��t drive down this dirt road on my bike only in my truck. Therea��s too many potholes.a�?
a�?Oh. I didna��t know you had a truck.a�?
a�?Well I prefer to drive by bike.a�? He smiles and then puts his arm around my shoulder. We walk down the dirt
A selfish brat? HA! You don't know the rest of the story and you surly don't know her father or Johnny. She's far from selfish. Once her father see's the bad in people he doesn't look any further to find the good.
I met a family at a horse show and we all became friends... After hanging out with them i noticed that they were kinda trashy... None of them had a job or even wanted one... Well i tryed and tryed for about two months to get one of there daughters to date me... Finally she agreed we went on dating and it was perfect... We were truly in love... well after we had been together for about six months her birthday came around and i found out she was younger than she looked... It turns out she was going to turn sixteen on her birthday... i went to her parents and told them i didnt know that she was that young and they said there wasnt a big difference and they dont mind... Well we had been dating for about nine or ten months when my sister moves back home and her and my girlfriend HATE each other and the girls parents get mad and stopped us from seeing each other... After a month of her crying and refusing to eat they let us back together... Her and her brother come to a bon fire at my house one night and her brother wrecked my car and it made her folks very upset so they went down and had me arrested for contributing to a minor but the case got dropped because i wasnt old enough to purchase alcohol either but they gave me nine months probation... after the nine months was up her parents contacted me and said that they want to forget the past because she loves me and wants me back so like a sucker i fell for it... when i saw her for the first time in nine months she was pregnant by another guy... we got back together and i agreed to help with the baby cuz i loved her... After the baby was born i was getting up with him at night and working 12 hours a day so we were fighting alot... one night i come home and her parents are watching the baby and she is out on a date with her ex (not the baby's daddy) so i packed my stuff and left... it has been six months since we broke up this time and i have a new girl but i cant get my ex off my mind no matter what i do and my friends and family just cant understand and they all said if i go back with her they will disown me what do i do PLS HELP i need to make her a memory and get on with my life but i just cant do it
Ok I have a step daughter who is 1, she will be two in May! Me and my husband get her sixteen days out of the month! When we first got her she didn't know anything! I can remember my three year old when she was younger then my step child and she knew where her nose, eyes, mouth, teeth, ears, ext... was! I don't think my step child's mother works with her but I don't know that for sure, but what I do know is when I have her I have taught her where her nose , eyes, ears, and belly button is! She picked up on that fine! But she hardly ever says anything, not even momma or daddy! She just wines when she wants something, but when she does wine I'll say what do yo want and I'll show it to her and say cup, or sippy, or say eat! I do that to try and get her to understand what it is and that she needs to tell me what she wants when she wants it! When I feed her I'll say Bite do you want a bite or ill break it down and sound it out like ba ba bite! And then Ill shake my head and say yes, then I try to get her to do it and she doesn't! I know that different babies learn at a differ ant pace! Should I be concerned and what else should I do to teach her to talk! I know she wants to so bad because she Jabbers ALL the time??
My daughter is almost 12 and she came home all upset because of something but she wouldn't tell me. she barely ate dinner and she didn't seem like herself. so i asked her, "Vada, is something wrong?" she nodded and burst into tears. "Mike has been acting really mean to me and i don't understand." i had heard her briefly mention Mike but i figure he was just her friend. i've never had to deal with this before because she is my only child and this is her first crush. please don't tell me she's too young because my twin sister was liking boys at her age or even younger. anyway, i tried to handle it well by talking it out with her. apparently, in science class she was talk king to him about our new dog and he turned to her and said, "Just shut up. you're so annoying." it was in front of his friends and she said he never acted like that before. i'm guessing that he was trying to act macho and impress his friends by insulting vada. i said to her, "well do you still like him?' she nodded hopelessly and said, "I can't help it daddy, i just do." then i suggested she tell him that it really hurt her feelings but she looked at me like i had 6 heads and told me that it just doesn't go that way in 7th grade. apparently i don't think like a 12 year old (thank god for that). what should i do? i really hate seeing her like this. she does have one aunt, and i wonder if talking to her may help.
The Bigger They Are, The Dumber They Are
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach.
The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Minutes later he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
How To Catch Chicks
There was a little boy walking one day and he walked by this house.
On the front porch of the house was an old man. The man says to the boy, "Where are you going with that chicken wire?"
The boy says, "To catch chickens!"
The man says, "You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
After a couple of hours the boy returns with a dozen chickens on the wire.
The man was amazed and the asked the boy for his secret. He did not reveal it.
The next day, the same boy walked by the same man but now with duct tape. "Where you going with duct tape, boy?"
"To catch ducks!"
"You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
"Watch!" says the boy.
A few hours later, he returns with ducks lined along the tape. Again the old man was amazed and really wanted the secret.
The next day after, the boy walks by again.
The old man says, "Where you going with that stick?"
The boy says, "This ain't no stick, this here is a p*ssy willow."
The old man says, "Wait here so I can grab my hat and I'll be right with ya!"
Going Down French-Style
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips."What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her bre*sts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river.
Standing waist deep in the river, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
Totally Obsessed With...
The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he told them.
To the first one, he said, "Your obsession is eating. Why you've even named your daughter Candy.
"
The second, he said, was obsessed by money. "Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered, "Let's go, Peter."
1. Little Johnny's father decided it was time for 14-year-old Little Johnny, to discover the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor.
He introduces Little Johnny to the madam, and explains that it's time for his indoctrination to sex. The madam says, "You've been such a good customer over the years, I'm going to see to this personally."
So she takes Little Johnny by the hand and leads him upstairs, where she completes his deflowering. Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says, "Since this is your first time, I'm going to see that you get the full treatment before you leave. I'm going to give you a manicure."
Two weeks later, Little Johnny and his father run into the madam on the main street. The madam smiles and says, "Well, Little Johnny, don't you remember me?"
"Yes, " Little Johnny stammers, "you're the bitch who gave me crabs and then cut my fingernails so I couldn't scratch 'em!"
2. A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day.
The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Johnny, do you wanna play house?"
Little Johnny replies, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl says, "I want you to communicate your feelings."
"Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Little Johnny. "I have no idea what that means."
The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
3. Little Suzy raised her hand during a biology lesson and asked if her grandmother could have a baby. The teacher was a bit surprised at the question but answered that the grandmother was too old to have babies.
"So what about my mother?" asked Little Suzy. The teacher said that it was possible, but that her mother was probably getting too old to be having babies as well.
"Well, then could I have a baby?" she wanted to know.
"Goodness no!" said the teacher, "you are much too young."
"See!" yelled Little Johnny from the back of the classroom, "I told you YOU didn't have anything to worry about!"
4. Little Johnny and Little Mary were playing doctor, on the back porch one day. Little Mary's mom happened to walk out and see them.
Shocked and furious to see her daughter's friend eating her out, she said "You're gonna get a good lickin' when daddy gets home!"
Mary replied, "But that's what Johnny's been doing all afternoon!"
If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to a�?get to know you.
a�? If youa��re white and from a state not connected to the lower 48,
America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know youa��re a�?one of us.a�?
If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential
primary, youa��re a a�?phony. a�? Get 100, 000+ people to vote you governor
of the 47th most populous state in the Union, youa��re a�?well loved.a�?
If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America,
youa��re an a�?extremist. a�? If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, youa��re a a�?fundamentalist.a�?
If you give your wife dap on stage, ita��s actually a a�?terrorist fist jab. a�? If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest childa��s hair on national TV ita��s an a�?adorable moment.a�? (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some
grooming skills).
If youa��re 18, white, and get a 16-year-old girl pregnant a�?life happens.a�?
If youa��re 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, youa��re a a�?registered sex offender.a�?
If youa��re a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law review, youa��re a�?uppity.a�?
If youa��re a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more schools over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever
attended any kind of school in Hawaii).
If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of a�?Change,a�? ita��s just a�?empty rhetoric.
a�?If one week before your partya��s national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about a�?Change,a�? thata��s a�?red meat.a�?
If youa��re a minority and youa��re selected for a job over more qualified
candidates youa��re a a�?token hire.a�?
If youa��re a conservative and youa��re selected for a job over more
qualified candidates youa��re a a�?game changer.a�?
If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant youa��re a a�?baby
daddy.a�?
If youa��re the same in Alaska youa��re a a�?teen father.a�? Black teen pregnancies? A a�?crisisa�? in black America.
White teen pregnancies? A a�?blessed event.a�?
If you grow up in Hawaii youa��re a�?exotic.a�?
Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, youa��re the quintessential
a�?American story.a�?
Similarly, if you name your kid Barack youa��re a�?unpatriotic.a�?
Name your kid Track, youa��re a�?colorful.a�?
If youa��re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the
individual youa��re a�?reckless.a�?
A Republican who doesna��t fully vet is a a�?maverick.a�?
If you say that for the a�?first time in my adult lifetime Ia��m really
proud of my countrya�? it makes you a�?unfita�? to be First Lady.
If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that
advocates secession, that makes you a�?First Dude.a�?
A DUI from twenty years ago is a�?old news.a�?
A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is
a�?relevant information.a�?
And, finally, if youa��re a man and you decide to run for office despite
your wifea��s reoccurrence of cancer youa��re a a�?questionable spouse.a�?
If youa��re a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five
kids including a newborn with Downs Syndrome Well, we dona��t know what that is a��cause THATa��S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK!
I previously asked a question about if I was being selfish not wanting to move out of state. My husband wants to move away and my 11-year-old son from a previous marriage doesn't want to move. We've always lived here, my whole family is here and my husband promised me when we got married that he wouldn't move us away.
My husbands two older daughters have children. One lives not far away, has a drug dealer boyfriend that she's supposedly thrown out and has two kids by him. Her car is in my husbands name and she's always late on the payment and sometimes doesn't have money to send him for insurance so we have to find the money to compensate. His middle daughter lives with my mother-in-law and has a toddler. She's very irresponsible. She works but when she's home, she sits on her butt and her grandma takes care of her son, cleans house, does their laundry, and fixes all the meals. His youngest daughter lives quite far away and called him last night to inform him she's pregnant. Her boyfriend is in the military and she's not happy that she's pregnant. Her boyfriend is getting ready to be shipped somewhere else and she's wanting to come home and have daddy take care of her.
Now, he's really talking about moving away because we don't make enough money to take care of ourselves but now obviously we are going to have to support his daughter and then her baby when it's born.
He always bragged about how he raised his daughters to be strong, independent, responsible women. I have yet to see it!
My son is heartbroken at the thought of moving away. He's close to both sets of grandparents, he's the only child so his two older cousins are more like big sisters, and he's had the same group of friends he's had since kindergarten.
It sounds like my son and I are getting lost in the mix. What do I do? I can't sleep, I can't eat. I'm an emotional mess! Help me!
My husband does everything for them and won't make them grown up because he's always afraid they'll get mad at him. I've tried to talk to him and tell him he's not making his daughters grow up but he just starts yelling at me and tells me that I'm against his daughters and that their mother isn't there for them (she left all of them 15 years ago and doesn't have much to do with them) so he has to be. He thinks that his job is to financially support every single one of them instead of making them be responsible themselves. My son and I are suffering in the process but his girls don't care. They're very selfish and know exactly how to get at their father.
have been with my man for a little over a year... his daughters, 7 and almost 5 years old, adore me... for the first several months, they knew me as dad's best friend... then, as time progressed, i became the girlfriend, and after a while, we would share a small kiss in front of them... they have never had any issues with anything and we dont live together.. well, he stays at my house only on the nights he doesnt have the kids... they know we sleep in the same bed when they are with their mother, they always ask to talk to me and my dog whenever they are on the phone... we all eat dinner together, and spend lots of time together, and go places... they help me cook and clean (they ask to help) and we play and we relax and watch tv and the normal family stuff... we're all pretty close.. and maybe i am overreacting, because they are so young, and i am sure they dont really understand the concept of girlfriend (we do plan on getting married, its just not the right time, hence the reason for the question and concern) but it seems lately as if they are pushing me away... for example, the little one, she doesnt really respect me as an adult.. like, she often says to me, "you're not the boss. daddy is..." and then she needs to be reminded by daddy that if he's not around, then they are to listen to me... i always deffer to him when he is around, if they do something wrong, but if he's not, then someone has to take care of them... the older one thinks i am her personal play doll, and my sole purpose is to play with her every waking moment... and thats cool, but if i say no, not right now, or anything, she pouts like i am a horrible person.. i am sure she doesnt do that to her mother... and when talking on the concept of drink sharing, i told her that i only share food and drinks with my family and she says, "but i'm not your family." while i know she's right, the statement killed me... he took them on a 2 week vacation to italy and we were talking on the web cam.. the oldest one got on and jokingly said, "we're never coming home.." and i was like, "oh, thats awesome, so now, i get to move there to be with you guys..." and she said, "well, whose gonna let you? someone has to let you come here?" i dont get it? in the past, she would have said something like, "yea yea, come here!!!" but now, whose gonna let you? now, i have been here taking care of their house and their dog and all that... when i talked to my man about it, he was like, "they're just worried about whose gonna take care of the animals, they dont realize that if that really happened, the dogs would come too..." but still, it seems unlikely... i dunno, maybe i'm overreacting... will they ever accept me as family or an adult or whatever? i thought things were golden for a while, now it seems like they have transgressed.... any thoughts or suggestions?
7 and 5, CJ! 7 and 5!!!!
where did u get teenagers from?
i have been with my man for a little over a year... his daughters, 7 and almost 5 years old, adore me... for the first several months, they knew me as dad's best friend... then, as time progressed, i became the girlfriend, and after a while, we would share a small kiss in front of them... they have never had any issues with anything and we dont live together.. well, he stays at my house only on the nights he doesnt have the kids... they know we sleep in the same bed when they are with their mother, they always ask to talk to me and my dog whenever they are on the phone... we all eat dinner together, and spend lots of time together, and go places... they help me cook and clean (they ask to help) and we play and we relax and watch tv and the normal family stuff... we're all pretty close.. and maybe i am overreacting, because they are so young, and i am sure they dont really understand the concept of girlfriend (we do plan on getting married, its just not the right time, hence the reason for the question and concern) but it seems lately as if they are pushing me away... for example, the little one, she doesnt really respect me as an adult.. like, she often says to me, "you're not the boss. daddy is..." and then she needs to be reminded by daddy that if he's not around, then they are to listen to me... i always deffer to him when he is around, if they do something wrong, but if he's not, then someone has to take care of them... the older one thinks i am her personal play doll, and my sole purpose is to play with her every waking moment... and thats cool, but if i say no, not right now, or anything, she pouts like i am a horrible person.. i am sure she doesnt do that to her mother... and when talking on the concept of drink sharing, i told her that i only share food and drinks with my family and she says, "but i'm not your family." while i know she's right, the statement killed me... he took them on a 2 week vacation to italy and we were talking on the web cam.. the oldest one got on and jokingly said, "we're never coming home.." and i was like, "oh, thats awesome, so now, i get to move there to be with you guys..." and she said, "well, whose gonna let you? someone has to let you come here?" i dont get it? in the past, she would have said something like, "yea yea, come here!!!" but now, whose gonna let you? now, i have been here taking care of their house and their dog and all that... when i talked to my man about it, he was like, "they're just worried about whose gonna take care of the animals, they dont realize that if that really happened, the dogs would come too..." but still, it seems unlikely... i dunno, maybe i'm overreacting... will they ever accept me as family or an adult or whatever? i thought things were golden for a while, now it seems like they have transgressed.... any thoughts or suggestions?
wow, everyone, i would have NEVER thought the mom would be putting this into their heads, and now that everyone says it, i'll bet you're right!!!!! i guess he's gonna have to have a talk with her too, as well as the kids, again!!!
monellie, very helpful.. never thought of that either.. thanks
My teacher is making us write a short story. Its one of those classes were if you don't pass, you will have to eat cat food and live under a bridge the rest of your life. So I was wondering if this is A material or not.Thanks for your input, and I hope you can help me improve it.
--
a�?Grandma, were leaving soon.a�? Faye said as she packed the lunches. a�?There is a casserole and a new carton of milk in the fridge.a�? Faye looked at the frail woman, sitting in her easy chair a�?Are you sure youa��ll be okay? You look a little ill, I can stay home.a�? Her grandmother waved her away. a�?Ia��ll be fine dear. No granddaughter of mine is missing school on my account.a�? Faye still looked worried. a�?I have to work the late shift, so Ia��ll be back around ten and Ellie is staying overnight at her friend Juliea��s house.a�? She looked back at her grandmother. a�?Are you sure youa��ll be okay?a�? her grandmother smiled. a�?Go, go before youa��re late for school, but first give me a hug and a kissa�? Faye and Ellie hugged and kissed there grandma and walked out the door.
The old woman watched the car pull out of the driveway, and then sat back in her chair. She picked up the photograph on the stand next to her. It was of a tall young man, with wavy black hair and kind black eyes. She was suddenly in tears. a�?Oh Edward, my Edward!a�? she sobbed, pressing the picture to her heart. Suddenly she heard a voice in her ear, a�?Jane.a�? She started, it sounded just like Edward. a�?Edward?a�? she said, sitting up in her chair. a�?Ita��s time.a�? She blinked and there was her Edward, standing in front of her, holding out his hand. Jane stood up and hesitantly touched it. It was solid as a hand can be. a�?Oh Edward, am I dreaming? You look just like the day we met.a�? Edward smiled, his black eyes gazing sadly at her, he was soon joined by a young brunette woman, with the same sad, black, eyes. a�?Helen?a�? said Jane rubbing her eyes a�?No, it cana��t be!a�? a�?I really must be dreaming, or gone crazy.a�? a�?No mother.a�? said the young woman, smiling sadly, a�?youa��re not crazy, its time to go home.a�? a�?You mean..?a�? said the old woman and suddenly screamed, for when she looked in the mirror in back of them, she sawa��herself, but instead of an old woman, she saw the young girl she once was, all those years ago. She looked behind her and there she was, apparently sleeping in her armchair, clutching that photograph to her heart. The front door opened, she watched as Faye walked back in, searching for something. Faye walked up to her body and gently shook it, not wanting to startle her. a�?Grandma?a�? No response. a�?Grandma?!a�? she watched as Faye franticly checked for a pulse and screamed for Ellie to call 911. a�?Its time.a�? said Edward and Helen holding out there hands. So Jane turned from the sad scene, went to her husband and daughter and they walked hand in hand into the light.
---
a�?Mrs. Lander had a heart attack.a�? Faye looked at the elderly doctor, and then looked over at her sister, who was crying quietly in the corner. a�?This is too much for a kid her age to handle.a�? She thought to herself. The doctor felt awful a�?Miss Acres, if you need help with funeral arrangementsa��a�? She stared at him blankly, and then snapped out of it. a�?Oh, no, thata��s okay she already arranged that before...a�? She sniffed. The doctor patted her hand. a�?I'm sorry for your loss.a�? She stared at the blue tiles under her feet, a�?Yeah, me too.a�?
She couldna��t believe it; she had been living with grandma ever since her parents died, eight years ago. That was an awful time. Ellie was an infant, and could barely remember their parents. So Faye remembered for her. When Ellie was still a toddler she would ask about them every night at bedtime. a�?What did Mommy look like?a�? Ellie would say to Faye as she tucked her in to their bed. Faye would smile and reply a�?Mommy had eyes as black as onyx, hair as dark as earth, like mine, and skin as soft as rose petals.a�? Ellie would then ask, a�?What did Daddy look like?a�? and Faye would reply, a�?He had dark red hair, like you, eyes as green as emeralds, and was as tall as the apple tree.a�? And then she would ask, a�?Faye, why dona��t we live with them?a�? and Faye would answer a�?Dona��t you like living with Grandma?a�? and Ellie would sigh and reply a�?Of course I do, I love Grandma, but, why cana��t we live with mommy and daddy?a�? a�?Because,a�? Faye replied sadly a�?They are in Heaven, the place we will go someday, if were good little girls.a�? a�?Why cana��t we go now?a�? Said Ellie, a�?Because,a�? said Faye, a�?We are not ready to go yet, but I will tell you when we are, okay?a�? and Ellie would reply a�?Okay, I love you Faye.a�? And drift off to sleep. Faye would then walk into Grandmas room and burst out crying. a�?No child should go through this,a�? thought her grandmother holding her tight. Grandma was always there in troubled times, but not anymore. It appeared that at the age of eighteen, Faye was alone.
---
a�?Do you want some casserole?a�? Faye said to Ellie. Ellie stared straight ahead, engulfed in her own grief. a�?Eleanor?a�? Ellie finally looked up at Faye a�?Dona��t call me that.a�? Grandma was the only one who called her by her full name. a�?Ia��m sorry.a�? Faye said, putting some casserole on Ellie's plate. Ellie looked up at her. a�?What now?a�? It was the question that had Faye tossing and turning over at night. a�?I dona��t know.a�? She answered. Ellie pushed the food around her plate. a�?I want grandma back.a�? Faye sighed and started to clean up, a�?So do I.a�?
After putting Ellie to bed, Faye paced back and forth in the kitchen. She was in a tug of war with herself. a�?Grandma would have wanted me to finish college,a�? she paused and turned a�?On the other hand I dona��t make enough money at my job to support Ellie and myself.a�? She turned again, a�?I could take night classes and work during the day.a�? She paused, and mulled it over in her mind. a�?I dona��t think I can handle two jobs and college.a�? She suddenly sat on the linoleum floor. a�?What am I going to do?a�? she put her head in her hands. a�?What am I going to do?a�?
BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
Chapter 1
Wow, that was some story thought Joan as she placed the paperback onto the coffee
table. The novel, Chick Lit, was not really intended for her age group, mid sixties, but shea��d thoroughly enjoyed it, and why not? The elderly were just teenagers in old skin.
Joan sat back on the shiny, leather sofa and sipped her coffee. Sparked off by the contents of the book, she reflected on the fifty years she deemed wasted on two dead leg husbands.
Jeez, thata��s half a century! The first, fat, flawed and futile, the second and current one, well, yes, the second and current onea��
She lit a cigarette, drew heavily on it and made her mind up there and then that she was going to get a life, not just any old life, a young life, a sort of Chick Lit life, a life shea��d missed out on all those years ago. Three kids before ones twenty first birthday had been far from a good starting point. Joan hadna��t been in love with him but a sexual a�?experimenta�� had led to an unwanted pregnancy and society at that time made sure there were to be no single mothers. A man-child for a so called husband and an even worse mother-in-law, the type you could gladly drop into an acid bath so all trace had gone, well except for dentures.
She glanced at the calendar and pondered on a date from when her new life should begin.
But where to begin? Botox, Crystal-blast, Face-lift? I need something. Ita��s ok to think chick but when your skin thinks hena��therea��s more lines on it than a Rhode Island road map.
Dvoraka��s Humoresque belted out from the phone and penetrated Joana��s thoughts. a�?Help the aged,a�� she answered.
a�?Hi, ita��s me.a��
a�?Jules! I was going to ring you but I thought youa��d still be zedding it. Howa��d it go?a�� Joan perked up at the sound of her best frienda��s voice, and then realised, that her voice sounded wary.
a�?Youa��re not going to like this Joan, are you sitting comfortably?a��
For Jules to say that, the news had to be big. Joan leant against the arm of a chair.
a�?Go on, what happened?a��
a�?Shea��s blonde, tubbya�� and wait for ita��about twenty five years old.a��
Joan was silent for a moment. So it was true beyond a doubt, Pete had a bit on the side. She slid down the arm of the chair to the seat. Maybe Jules had seen the evidence, but Joan herself hadna��t.
a�?Get her address?a��
a�?Yeah, rough district, look, Ia��ll come across and we can chat at length. Ok?a��
Joan replaced the receiver and went to the drinks cabinet. At least shea��s fat. She mused.
Selecting the most expensive red, she uncorked it and poured a large, no, a very large glass. Her friend liked red too, as she always said, a�?at our age ita��s good for the old arteries.a��
Jules arrived in her brand new Smart car; it had made a good disguise the previous evening for tracking Peter, Joana��s husband.
a�?I suspected some time ago he was playing around Jules, although, really I cana��t imagine whoa��d fancy a clapped out eighty two year old. Hea��s recently invested in some new Y-fronts too, what sort of woman shags a man who wears Y-Fronts? The mind boggles.a��
The second bottle of red was having a pleasant couldna��t-care-less attitude on Joana��s grey matter. She giggled along with Jules imagining Pete getting his leg over.
a�?Perhaps he makes a better sugar-granddaddy than a sugar-daddy,a�� she laughed.
For all the mirth, Jules could see a deep sadness behind her frienda��s eyes. Pals from school days theya��d stuck together over the years. Theya��d become more like sisters than their own sisters.
a�?This isna��t the first woman Petea��s shagged but this time I want facts, enougha��s enough. besides, this new sex-on-legs-cowa��s had a profound effect on him.a��
Basically a kind person, in recent years hea��d become retaliative, sarcastic and decidedly cold in his manner towards her.
a�?In the early years my a�?fierya�� nature turned him on and he even admitted that to this end he sometimes goaded me! What really bugs me as well, he used to love the way I flounced off when we rowed, he loved watching my long, dark hair swinging about. Now, he says Ia��m aggressive or I need anger therapy, cheeky sod, he obviously thinks silver hair isna��t good enough for him. Jeez, he doesna��t even have looks. Mind you, he has some charm and a good sense of humour.a��
a�?Joan, youa��re getting morose, have another glass.a�� Jules uncorked another bottle.
a�?The only saving grace in all this is that hea��s fifteen years older then you.a��
a�?And?a��
a�?Well, odds are that hea��ll die before you.a��
Joan held her head back and laughed, it was a long drawn out belly-laugh.
a�?Dona��t make me laugh; hea��s like a fucking robot. Do you know the only thing wrong with him is that hea��s got a corn?a�� She laughed out loud again then gulped her wine. She became morose again. a�?Do you know what the experts say in the scientific world? They say if one is fit by the age of eighty, therea��s no reason, as to why one wona��t reach ninety.a�� She began to sob. a�?I cana��t go another shite decade with hima��
a�?The booze is making you miserable Joan. You know, ita��s not all ita��s cracked up to be, being a widow. Ones incomea��s halved for starters.a��
a�?Youa��re right, Ia��m always bloody moaning, arena��t I? The only thing is, in ten years time, I dona��t want to be sitting here wishing Ia��d got a life, and just crocheting antimacassars. Anyway what do you think of this idea?a�� Joan lit yet another fag.
a�?Leta��s have a bite to eat and a nice black coffee first, dona��t forget I have to drive home.a��
a�?Good idea.a�� She glanced at the clock, a�?Petea��ll be at least another hour yet.a��
Whilst they both tucked in to ham sandwiches and sipped black coffee, Joan explained a few ideas shea��d come up with to enhance both hers and Julesa�� lives. Her friend listened intently, eyes widening from time to time.
a�?Ia��ll get back home now and I promise that Ia��ll have a good think about what wea��ve discussed.a��
The two women bade their goodbyes and Jules drove off, back to her bungalow a few miles away.
Joan tidied up the lounge then washed the dishes. She liked everything to be neat and tidy. The bungalow was a new build when they had bought it. Three bedrooms, a large lounge, the kitchen wasna��t small either. The gardens front, back and side were extensive and over the years the many plants and shrubs they had planted together now gave the garden a colourful, mature look. Joana��s favourite spot was where the swing seat was positioned. Under a pagoda, covered with purple and white Clematis, it gave shelter from the hottest sun and a peaceful haven away from neighbours prying eyes. She was proud of her achievements for someone stemming from a childhood of poverty; youa��ve not done bad lass. She often told herself.
She heard Pete coming in after his visit to his daughtera��s, well, after his night of passion rather.
a�?Hi,a�� she greeted him all smiles.
a�?Hi,a�� was his response.
a�?Have a nice evening?a�� She continued dusting the furniture, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.
a�?Oh, it was ok, she wasna��t well enough to make us a meal so I went out for a take-away.a��
Oh, yeah, a blonde-tubby-about-twenty-five-year-old one, she wanted to say but desisted.
a�?When she feels better, she wants me to take her to her old school frienda��s for a weekend, she lives in Newcastle.a��
a�?Thata��ll be nice for you both,a�� said with just a tad of sarcasm.
a�?You dona��t mind, do you?a�� Pete side glanced at Joan and waited for her reaction.
a�?Who? Me? Ia��ve never restricted your movements, of course I dona��t mind.a��
Great stuff, she thought, now my plans can come into being, how could he moan about me travelling now? Ha. She laughed to herself, some men are so stupid.
Pete went off into his study, no doubt reliving the night of passion hea��d had with his lover and dreaming about the forthcoming weekend with the slag. Joan continued with the housework whilst plotting her new life, well, he was being economical with the truth and whata��s good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander, but in this case surely that should be whata��s good enough for the gander is good enough for the goose. Who wrote these proverbs?
Dvoraka��s Humoresque rang out. a�?Orphaned widows,a�� she answered.
It was her friend Mo, crying down the phone, should she get a divorce from her lying, cheating husband. Jeez, thata��s all I need. Why cana��t others deal with their own nightmares? Ia��ve got plenty of my own to be going on with thanks.
Moa��d found a packet of condoms again in the pocket of his best suit.
Think yourself lucky hea��s got the sense to use a�?em, she wanted to say but thought it too cruel.
The husband in question was six feet four, drop-dead-gorgeous and had women just drooling and dropping at his feet. Joan had wondered how long ita��d be before he strayed when he took Mo to the registrarsa��well, it was her third marriage, (church was out of the question) but at least the ceremonies had been that close together, Joan had been able to wear the same outfit for each one.
a�?Best not to worry Mo, why dona��t you go out and go mad with his credit card.? Thata��s good therapy.a��
a�?Youa��re right Joan; Ia��ve seen a gorgeous leather coat and boots I like.a��
a�?Good, hurt his pocket. Ia��ll see you next week then.a��
Joan replaced the receiver. Women just cana��t win. Herea��s an ugly old fool shagging around and therea��s a handsome young fool doing the very same. Or was it the women? Why do women shag others husbands?
Sex with Pete that night was as boring as ever even though she suspected he was practicing various methods to try when screwing his tart.
Besides Joan had other things on her mind, she had dinner to cook tomorrow for four friendsa��vegetarian friends. What the hell can I make? Pete turned her over.
Perhaps a Soya spag bol could be the answer. Where to get Soya though? Petea��s hand was wandering. I could get some humus and tortillas, yes, thata��d be nice as a starter.
Pete was reaching his climax now. Jeez, planning dinner for four is damned harder than having sex.
The following evening, Joan served up the spaghetti bolognaise. It had been simple to make and she was most impressed with the taste of the Soya meat.
Pete poured out the wine for their friends. Joan had a head start on the others; shea��d partaken of a few glasses whilst preparing dinner.
The strange mixture of characters seated themselves at the table. Sebastian and wife Isabel, not their real names but they liked the sound of them. Both retired civil servants they were quite boring and staid.
Joan had thought long ago that their real names were probably Cyril and Ethel or the likes.
John and Anne, real names, he was great fun and an extravert, how he came to be married to her was always a mystery to Joan. He was still quite shaggable. John was a lawyer; she was a barmaid when they met. She sure knew what she was doing having got pregnant a couple of weeks later. They had more money than sense. Nevertheless, they were good fun and Joan liked them both, she sat with her guests. a�?Help yourselves to Parmesan and get stuck in.a��
a�?So, what are your plans for this summer, each and all?a�� asked John.
a�?Jules and me are going for a month to a nudist complex in Jamaica,a�� she blurted out.
The others didna��t know whether to believe her and reacted with guffaws.
a�?Ia��m serious. Then we plan on going to Bali for a further month, lots of nightlife there apparently.a��
a�?Ia��ve always wanted to try nudism,a�� offered Sebastian.
a�?Youa��ve never mentioned that.a�� Isabel looked horrified.
Joan viewed Seb from the corner of her eye, hmm, more to him than he lets on. Dark Horse, eh?
a�?When was all this arranged then?a�� Petea��s eyes flared.
Oh here we go; therea��ll be a few days of sulky silence now, the cheeky two-timing bastard, dona��t get mada��get everything Joan, she smiled back at him. a�?Oh, ita��s not been arranged yet, me and Jules were just talking about it, when you were at youra��a��
a�?I would never go anywhere without John.a�� Anne butted in.
Joan sipped her wine and eyed up John this time, I bet you wouldna��t, now if my husband was as gorgeous as hima��..a��More garlic bread anyone?a��
a�?Why dona��t we all go to Jamaica?a�� John took the proffered bread. a�?Sounds great fun.a��
Joan bit into a chunk of bread, yeah, right; your wifea��d look gorgeous nudea��.not.
Anne was at least eighteen stones but only five feet two. Shea��d had a weight problem as long as Joan could think back, well a stuffing-your-face-with-food problem more like.
She had a copycat problem too, constantly clocking the clothes Joan wore and racing down to the shops to buy duplicates. This amused Joan greatly and took it as a compliment. Sometimes and just for devilment, she would tell Anne a different shop to where shea��d bought her clobber and watch her frienda��s frustration when she couldna��t find replicas. Even if she did, there was no way they ever looked as good on her as on the five feet ten, slender Joan.
a�?I need a facelift or something before I travel, either of you tried that crystal-blasting treatment?a��
Anne looked indignant, a�?My skin doesna��t need any treatment whatsoever, and I havena��t even got any wrinkles yet.a��
Oh yes you do, ita��s just that the fat puffs your face out, wrinkles with it. Joan smirked to herself. Lose ten stone and your skina��d look like a bloody pachyderma��s.
a�?Yes, you have beautiful skin,a�� commented Isabel.
a�?For her age,a�� quipped John at which Annea��s face became decidedly ugly. Johna��s and Joana��s eyes met, she quickly looked away and bit on a gherkin to stop her bursting into laughter. That would have been the end of her and Anne. The trouble with Anne was that if she wasna��t the centre of attraction, she wasna��t playing but this sort of attention wasna��t the type intended. Joan waited for her to explode and wasna��t disappointed.
a�?Youa��re a shit a friggina�� shit. Do you know that?a��
Isabel blushed to the roots of her hair and chomped on a gherkin. These gherkins were coming in handy. Seb looked at his watch. John didna��t react; he was as used to these outbursts as were the hosts. There were a few moments silence.
a�?Wea��re going to the Festival Hall next weekend,a�� announced Seb.
a�?Whata��s on?a�� Pete asked.
a�?A Beethoven concert, it should be excellent.a��
a�?Indeed,a�� said John.
A conversation about the classics ensued. Anne went into a sulk but Joan was accustomed to that and knew that she would soon a�?come rounda��.
Apart from the one fracas the evening went well and it was three am before the guests left.
John had still seemed keen on the nudist holiday, as did Seb but Joan didna��t want any hangers-on, not at the launch of her new life.
Petea��s hands began to wander. Oh, no, puh-lease not at this time in the morning, does he never stop it?
This time there was no dinner for four to plan so she lay back and thought of her session at the gym and pool the next day.
The four friends relaxed in the Jacuzzi, a white wine each. This was their time to be together once a week; an hour in the gym followed by forty lengths in the pool and then a dip into the hot bubbling water for a natter. Privately owned the complex was luxurious never crowded and suited the quartet perfectly.
Anne was still reeling from the night before, a�?Ia��m going to really go mad with the credit card now,a�� she sipped her wine.
a�?Not another Prada bag, how manya��s that youa��ve got?a�� asked Brenda.
a�?Do I give a shit? Ia��ll buy matching shoes ana�� all.a��
a�?He was only joking Anne,a�� said Joan.
a�?Yeah, well Ia��m teaching him not to give sly digs even in jest.a��
a�?Why, what did he say?a�� Brenda leaned forward; she liked nothing better than a bit of gossip and othersa�� disharmony with one another.
a�?He implied that I looked alright for my age.a��
Jules glanced at Joan and they both smirked. Anne lacked self esteem and they all recognised this, it did get tiresome sometimes though, always trying to reassure her that she was a loved and treasured friend. She had more clothes in her possession than the whole of Debenhama��s put together, or should that be Christian Dior or the likes, only exclusive stuff was good enough for Anne.
a�?Have you seen Newblooma��s new range?a�� asked Brenda enthusiastically. a�?Theya��ve got some gorgeous tops in.a��
a�?I havena��t been in recently,a�� replied Joan. Newbloom wasna��t her style but did agree that the stuff was enough to pay for fashion items that were out of style within weeks. Brenda didna��t look nice in anything, at sixty four, shea��d no fashion sense but none of the others had the heart to tell her. Today shea��d mixed a trendy top with a 1970s skirt, and a pair of 1980s shoes. The top as usual was way too young for her and bordered on the ridiculous, she preferred sleeveless too and Joan thought there was nothing worse than having wrinkled old arms on display. Brenda and husband were vastly rich and so she got away with any look according to her, and not giving a damn for what anyone thought.
a�?Anyway, Ia��m more interested in face treatment at the mo,a�� said Joan.
a�?A friend of mine has just had thata��thata��er, is it crystal-blasting or something?a��
a�?Round here, Brenda?a�� Joan was keen to find out.
a�?No, in London somewhere.a��
a�?Fancy a trip to London Jules?a�� Joan and her friend chuckled.
a�?Ia��m up for anything these days,a�� she replied.
a�?Ia��ll come with you ana�� all.a��
a�?You said last night that youa��d never go anywhere without John.a��
a�?I know but that were last night and Ia��d had a few jars,a�� Anne sipped her wine. a�?Any road, Ia��ll be able to shop at Harrods, thata��ll piss him off.a��
The four left the complex and went to the nearby pub for lunch and to discuss their plans for a weekend in London.
Mysteris...don't you ever read books????????!!!!!!!!!!
Ok i have another question........ my daughter is 11 weeks old and i am convinced she's teething....... she chews on the nipple of the bottle, wants to chew on my fingers and chews on her hands....... when i look on her bottom gums there is a spot that when i rub it its like a bump...... and her gums seem to be a bit white......... is she too young to teeth? does it sound like she's teething? sometimes when she's eating she's making all this noise and like chewing the nipple and crying at the same time, what are your suggestions or advice?? anything that will be helpful to her. I will be discussing this w/ her ped. at her visit on monday for her shots and follow up from having an ear infection, ahhh yes that too she's been coughing and has an ear infection as well........ teething? im overanalyzing? helpful mommy or daddy advice would be LOVELY!
i do give her tylenol because of the ear infection and sometimes she just screams and screams and i can tell she's in pain, but im afraid to keep giving that to her because i do not want to like get her hooked on childrens tylenol lol
what do u think of the character of violet beauregarde?
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Willy Wonka: You're all quite short, aren't you?
Violet Beauregarde: Well yeah, we're children.
Violet Beauregarde: [after stretching into a pretzel shape] Look mother, I'm much more flexible now.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [disapprovingly] Yes, but you're blue.
Violet Beauregarde: [hugs Wonka] Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde.
Willy Wonka: [freaked out] Oh. I don't care.
Violet Beauregarde: Well, you should care. Because I'm the girl who's gonna win the special prize at the end.
Willy Wonka: Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key.
Violet Beauregarde: Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: What?
Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and oh what a terrible country it is.
Willy Wonka: [referring to Violet getting the gum] I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two things that are a little...
Violet Beauregarde: I'm the World Record holder of chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
[pops gum into her mouth]
Mrs. Beauregarde: How is it honey?
Violet Beauregarde: It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Spit it out!
Grandpa Joe: Young lady, I think you better...
Violet Beauregarde: It's changing... roast beef and baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Keep chewin' kiddo! My daughter's gonna be the first person in the world with a chewing gum meal!
Willy Wonka: Yeah. I'm just concerned about the...
Violet Beauregarde: Blueberry pie and Ice Cream!
Willy Wonka: That part.
Veruca Salt: [Veruca stares at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
[Violet keeps chewing]
Veruca Salt: [Nose starts turning purple]
Mr. Salt: You're turning blue!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Your whole nose has gone purple!
Violet Beauregarde: [touching nose] What do you mean?
Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet... you're turning Violet!
[Violet scared; turns to Wonka]
Mrs. Beauregarde: [concerned] What's happening?
Willy Wonka: Well, I told you I haven't gotten it quite right because it always goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Bluberry Pie that doesn't... I'm terribly sorry!
[Violet turns purple]
Violet Beauregarde: Mother, what's happening to me?
[Violet continues turning purple]
Violet Beauregarde: [Violet starts growing]
Grandpa Joe: She's swelling up!
Charlie Bucket: Like a Blueberry!
[Violet continues to grow]
Willy Wonka: [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a Blueberry. It's just weird!
Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a Blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca Salt: You can put her in a county fair!
[Mrs. Beauregarde looks at Veruca viciously]
Veruca Salt: [Willy laughs]
Oompa Loompa: [Oompa Loompas start singing] Listen close, listen hard / The tale of Violet Beauregarde / This dreadful girl she sees no wrong / Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / She goes on chewing till at last / Her chewing muscles grow so fast / From her face her giant chin / Sticks out just like a violin / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa/ For years and years she chews away / Her jaws get stronger every day / And with one great tremendous chew / They bite the poor girl's tongue in two / And that is why we try so hard / To save Miss Violet Beauregarde / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./
Blueberry Violet: Mr. Wonka!
[Oompa Loompas stop singing]
Willy Wonka: [to Oompa Loompa] I want you to roll Ms. Beaurgarde to the boat and take her to the Juicing Room at once. 'Kay?
[Oompa Loompa does signature hand lock]
Mrs. Beauregarde: The Juicing room? What are they gonna do to her there?
Willy Wonka: They're gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple. We've gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately.
[Mrs. Beauregarde runs up to Blueberry Violet]
Blueberry Violet: Mother, help me. Please!
[Mrs. Beauregarde pushes Blueberry Violet into door]
Willy Wonka: [looks at everyone] Come on... Let's boogie!
Violet Beauregarde: What's so funny?
Willy Wonka: It must be from all those dog-gone cocoa beans. Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [flirtily] You don't say?
Charlie Bucket: [asking about Violet's gum] Why hold onto it? Why not start a new piece?
Violet Beauregarde: Because then I wouldn't be a champion. I'd be a loser. Like you.
Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka.
Willy Wonka: Huh?
Charlie Bucket: Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa Loompa's song unless they...
Willy Wonka: [interrupts] Improvisation is parlor trick, anyone can do it.
[turns to Violet]
Willy Wonka: You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
Violet Beauregarde: Chewing gum.
Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Violet Beauregarde: Who are you?
Grandpa Joe: He's Willy Wonka!
Veruca Salt: Let's be friends.
Violet Beauregarde: Best friends.
Violet Beauregarde: Sounds like my kinda gum.
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Willy Wonka: Don't you know what this is?
Violet Beauregarde: By gum, it's gum.
Willy Wonka: Wrong. It's the most amazing fabulous sensational gum in the whole world.
Violet Beauregarde: What's so fab about it?
Willy Wonka: This little piece of gum is a three course dinner.
Mr. Salt: Bull.
Willy Wonka: No, roast beef. But I haven't got it quite right yet.
Violet Beauregarde: Well they can't be real people.
Willy Wonka: Well of course they're real people.
Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense.
Willy Wonka: No, Oompa Loompas.
The Group: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: From Loompaland.
Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland? There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady...
Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
Willy Wonka: Oh, well then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles and Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids."
Mr. Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
Veruca Salt: Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away.
Mr. Salt: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
Veruca Salt: I want an Oompa Loompa now!
Violet Beauregarde: Can it, you nit!
Violet Beauregarde: What is this, a freak out?
Violet Beauregarde: Well, normally, I'm a gum chewer. But when I heard about these ticket things of Wonka's, I laid off the gum and switched to candy bars, instead. Now, of course, I'm right back on gum. I chew it all day, except at mealtimes when I stick it behind my ear.
Mrs. Beauregarde: Now, Violet...
Violet Beauregarde: Cool it, Mother. Now, this little piece of gum I've been chewing on for three months solid. That's a world record. It's beaten the record held by my best friend, Miss Cornelia Prince Medal. And, WAS she mad. Hi, Cornelia. How are ya, Sweetie?
Veruca Salt: Hey, she's got two! I want another one!
Violet Beauregarde: Stop squawking, you twit!
Violet Beauregarde: [while digging in a nostril] Spitting's a dirty habit.
Willy Wonka: I know a worse one.
do you think violet is mischievous
competitive, bad manners or overconfident.
what do you think tell me why
forgivness?
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From: Block User
Willy Weasel
myspace.com/willyweasel2902
Date: Oct 20, 2007 8:37 PM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: RE: No Subject
Body: No one in this world knows you better then me. My darling child you are so right about Crystals misspelled words but before we start casting stones in glass houses your sentence structure is all wrong. You also have several misspelled word in the statement below. By the way what does Crystal have to do with this.
You wrote: (u will learn in the end what u did do wrong as a parent and honestly I dont have any regrets)
First off who in the hell do you think you are ? What you needed was more beatings and then you would have seen things differently but why am I explaining myself to you I owe you knowing and in return you get nothing.
I certainly don't have any regrets. This is your feeble attempt to get under my skin it won't work. Baby I have been around longer and seen allot more I don't sit and dwell in the past. I don't know who you are talking too or who is giving you advice but for me to say that I raised or should have raised you a different way is stupid at best, for lack of a better term.
You think you are all grown up well miss Jennifer when you walk in my shoes and have to work your *** off at providing for a family with snot nose kids who think they know it all then we can talk.
Your argument lacks common sense and defies all logic someday perhaps when you do grow up you will come to terms with yourself and tell yourself that you were definitely and sincerely really full of it.
I am proud of the way I raised my children and I will not sit here and have some snot nose kid tell me what she feels I did wrong.
My Lord, wah! wah! I feel my parents didn't raise me to my satisfaction they didn't give me what I wanted, but I hurt a lot of people and didn't give a ****.
Is this the logic that you will instill in your children because if it is good luck.
Enjoy Life to the fullest.
I pat myself in the back for a job well done 2 out of 3 isn't bad.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Knows SHe IS Right and Wrong
Date: Oct 20, 2007 3:11 PM
DOnt worry father....I know myself better than u and u will learn in the end what u did do wrong as a parent and honestly I dont have any regrets...It was the best decision I ever made.
I can live to please you and tell your daughter that she cant spell niether and go back to school.I will continue to be happy I dont need you neway.Thank you though.for being who u are lol.IT all runs in the family and I must have learned it from sumone I was living with=)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Willy Weasel
Date: Oct 20, 2007 1:20 PM
Wikipedia, defines Karma as
(Sanskrit: kA?rma (helpA�info), kA?rman- "act, action, performance"[1]; Pali: kamma) is the concept of "action" or "deed" in Indian religions understood as denoting the entire cycle of cause and effect described in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies.
None of which you have done. You are confusing it with something bad that has happened to you and you want that bad done on too others.......... Not good......
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Its Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE!
Date: Oct 20, 2007 11:13 AM
well honestly father If i was stuck in the past then why would I ask for forgiveness but you know what it is fine.U are narrow minded to much for me.I love you and you know what I didnt wear out my welcome fiy! lol because I paid rent and I needed a job and you know what It was the best thing that happened to me i even had to jobs no I do go to school fiy do something I love and fortunatly i will have a career in my life before 25 and I work also and trust me I dont need to but I choose to. and be well off at a young age.short term memeory must run in the family and grudges never I love you guys i would have never wrote you that if I didnt but you did want me to apoloize therefore I did and and as far as everything else you were the one that said I didnt have anothewr choice I nodded agreed and told maybe i will stop hurting people.And when i made that statement about having a nice life that was after you told me to stop calling you.So what else.because now .I have nothing more to say because honestly I have moveed on but I just know I have a apologized and I have grown up.And I learned.But if you cantr understand this then I dont think you know your daughter like you though you knew her.I love you daddy.And NAncy and i am soory for the pain but I got to do what I got to do.Thank you for everything.
Mwah.
Love your daughter
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Willy Weasel
Date: Oct 20, 2007 8:29 AM
Okay first of all like I said how soon we forget and I don't need this crap! You wrote:(First off i dont recall ever telling you to have a nice life) short term memory I guess but it happens when people like yourself try to make a valid point. Now do you remember the phone call when you called complaining that Christina had called you a ***** ! Now got your attention now!
Next you wrote: (whenever you yelled at me and try to push things in my face) Now some people need to be pushed and your are one of those people. You would rather work at selling chicken then getting an education which is all I ever wanted from you. You had the brains but by the looks of this email it's more like selective memory to me.
Next you wrote: (And second of all who ever the **** talker is needs to get there **** straight father because I only tell the facts.) No you only tell what you want to hear and whatever benefits you. I am not your little school yard friend so I expect more respect then what you are writing and your tone is unacceptable. My facts are based solely on my experiences living with you and how well you manipulate any situation.
Bottom line you must have wore out your welcome over there.
Next you wrote: (I have forgiven myself and I know now what is right for me but you could not see that.) I saw lots of potential in you the brains and you could not see that you were so into memememe! I cant began to say that I for one have no regrets for what I have accomplished and I would do it over again the same way.I have no remorse for my actions as this was what you wanted remember.
Next you wrote:(your bitterness and grudges) Where in the world did this come from. Now we go back in time remember the phone call I was told to have a nice life. how soon we forget.
bitterness: I am perfectly happy not a bitter bone in my body now you and your mother I dont know by looks of this letter there seems to be alot of bitterness in your blood.
Next you wrote:(I hope you realize at the last minute your biggest mistake.) The biggest mistake I ever did was marrying your mother (concha) 9years of my life down the tubes but I have no regrets in having my daughters. At the last minute sounds like you are killing me off all ready. At the last minute I know that I will have to answer to the good Lord and only to him.
Now this is what you wrote: (the times nancy had to pull my hair because I did not brush my hair right) so you are holding a grudge because it sounds to me that by your standards we were not supposed to discipline you, am I correct in this assumption because if this is the case then I feel for you and your children should you ever have any. When you have your kids then we can talk.
You Wrote: ( I was never allowed to have a social life.) you were allowed but only on the condition that you kept up the grades. Now enough of this crap. You lied to me about missing those 7 days at school by telling me the teacher didn't see you in class. You ran away from the place I provided for you instead of a 45 foot trailer and no electricity or running water. You had to bathe outside at the faucet, there were 7 people total in that place you cried every time I had to take you back. Now do you remember. So stop all this nosense it is getting old the one who is stuck in the past is you not me. (all the attention you spent amongst me all the control thank you ) Your very welcome because it has made you the person you are today and hope you succeed in all your dreams and hopes like I said I wouldnt change a thing on how I raised you and Crystal. Discipline is a Lost Art thats what this new generation needs now a days you guys are out of control. BIGTIME!
I too hope that someday you will succeed in all you set out to do. I wish you all the luck in the world. You have no idea what we as parents been though since you left but that is something every parent goes though when kids leave a nest and I dont expect you to understand that.
One thing you should know when I die I will die knowing that I have done all I could for all my children in the end it was up to them on how they wanted to use the knowledge we provided there will be instances where you will remember your father because something reminded you of him. Just know that regardless I will always Love all three of you the same.
You wrote:(well lets set the story straight) This sentence speaks for itself like I have always said there are three sides to a story Yours, Mine and the truth and sooner or later what you do in the dark comes out in the light.
DAD!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Its Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE!
Date: Oct 20, 2007 1:38 AM
well lets set the story straight father.Becuase there is a change in words.First off i dont recall ever telling you to have a nice life except for whenever you yelled at me and try t push things in my face.Second of all if all you can do is listen through the grapevine then it shows how much u really paid attention to me anyway.And second of all who ever the **** talker is needs to get there **** straight father because I only tell the facts.And whether you believe me or not now I can care less ,whether you can forgive me or not is not my problem.I do not hate you I o not dislike you.You use every bit of manipulation to put things the way they are.I know this for a fact.I have forgiven myself and I know now what is right for me but you could not see that.Me writing juicy stuff has nothing to do with anything.It has been two years.And you will make mistakes and fiy in the end I hope all does go well with your bitterness and grudges but I hope you realize at the last minute your biggest mistake.THank you for my home my food my shelter the nights we spent together by the fireplace during christmas,the times nancy had to pull my hair because I did not brush my hair right,the fact that I was never allowed to have a social life.for giving me a computer a nice bed to sleep in the momment you threatened me of taking me back to my mothers all the time my lovely sister manipulated me into doing things for her all the bitches and u would never choose nancy over me,all sarcasm and negativity about my hopes dreams and now my future,all the slaps in the face,all the yelling,all the attention you spent amongst me all the control thank you and god bless you for all of this.The last time I did ask you for something although it was only for your opinion your advice.you told me you did not want to hear and do not ever cal me again if you didnt recall because of a certain situation I love how you twist things around father the innocent.you have never done any wrong no mistakes and I praise you for how you have achived that i praise you for the slaps and beatings I recieved for peeing my pant yes sir yee and if I dont recall I truly believe that I was just less of a worry or burden amongst you if you had me around.second of and I am living life to the fullest which is awesome.I live in paradise literally.and yes I do do my own mistakes and learn from it but never later.always people learn in different ways what can you do.I will always forgive you and nancy.you are family.Now what I wrote on my paige has absoolutly nothingto do with you.Why you assume so many things of me how funny.I forgive ansd will always love both of you but when grugdes are held for so long and not fogive you tend to corrup people around you.I destroy no one and I never did is anyone dead?No i dont believe so.Just remeber Yes I am your daughter.N o but you know what father some of us get a run for real life and its true.If i really did so horrible why am i doing so good. I dont understand and yet you are the ones that are sick.I dont get it.You want an essay here it is.
Thank you Father
Thanks for bieng a dad
thank you nancy thanks for bieng my mother
The mother i never had
sorry I took it for granted sorry
that I didnt care
if you cant forgive me its okay
I wont pull out my hair
If you see in a grave before you die
Just remember I loved you guys
and i just hope and pray one day
that you will see
That I trully love you guys but only wanted to find me
and I hope that befre you go
that you will breathe
let the angels take you away to heaven
for all your precious deeds
and If you dont care then there
isnt much left to say I have triend
but you said it was never good enough
to this day
so now all i have is myself
my hopes dreams
character
dignity and strength
I will succeed and
maybe you will be proud of me sumday
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Willy Weasel
Date: Oct 19, 2007 9:35 PM
You told me to have a nice life now what is it that you ask of me, In your little essay you write some pretty juicy stuff but how am i sure you are sincere, Listen I have heard though the grapevine that you still write crap about the only two that actually cared enough to give you what you needed and not what you wanted, I am not well health wise and niether is Nancy but we are still managing. Your grand pa is also not well so we really don't need the drama.
At this very moment I am not feeling good and to see that you are asking for forgiveness is just the tip of the iceberg. By the way you are still young and you will constantly make many mistakes because thats just you.
COMMON SENSE IS A GOOD THING USE IT !
The last time you asked me for something you got mad and told me to have a nice life and then hung up on me now all this because you did not want to see that the real problem is you and not us you just want to do things your way and then learn from the mistakes later.
Also I have no regrets about what happened to my family that I ******* fought so hard to bring together only to have you slap me in the face with your BS. I am enjoying life to the fullest something I highly recommend that you should do you never know what may happen. You write on your page (Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE) what exactly do you mean and that other little slogan needs to be changed I didn't raise my daughters to curse. I hope to the good Lord that you are not referring to us as far as Karma goes.
I only ask you to please forgive Nancy and I for caring so much for you, as parents we only want the best for you and we will do what ever it takes to do just that. Now in the last 13years who fed you who cloth you and who sent you to school who taught you to ride a bike who taught to write to speak to eat shower, certainly not that family that you hold such high regards for they all of them just wanted a piece of Art $pie$ and nothing in return so do me a favor remember they just got to know you within the last 2years. One thing before I close this letter remember you chose your destiny not us you wanted to get to know mom for I always told you that was not a place you wanted to be at but you wouldn't listen.
Live and Learn. You are my daughter i can't change that but if you are set to try and destroy this family then I need to step up to the plate and protect it. Forgive me but this is the way it is.......
Just ask your mother ( Concha )
Nothing and Nobody Will Ever Come Between Me and Nancy..
Your DAD !
Write back !
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Its Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE!
Date: Oct 19, 2007 2:25 PM
because its been a couple of years and I dont believe that u should still be like this.only because We all make mitakes when we are younger and we learn and grow from them but if u insist on not talking to me then I hope u live with the fact that u dont know forgivness and in the end when its all over I hope u can one day see me ...and u will see what I have become to be. U may have raised me but in the end I raised myself.I am sorr for all the pain I have put everyone through.but I was young and even u made the same mistakes.maybe not reapeatedly but still.i want to apologize for bieng amisery and buruden to u.just know I did apologize many times and before u leave...because we can be gone any second in your life.and honestly I will leave this word knowing i try to do something good... and u will leave it with grudges and regrets.i am an adult now and I live on my own....And I am proud of myself...mystake got me to where I am at today and they are who made me me like it or not. I just wanted to let u and nancy know I do love you very much and it isnt bullshit its honesty and from the heart..and frankly weather you except this or not ...I know I tried. I love you take care.
Your Daughter
Jennifer=)
Wikipedia, defines Karma as
(Sanskrit: kA?rma (helpA�info), kA?rman- "act, action, performance"[1]; Pali: kamma) is the concept of "action" or "deed" in Indian religions understood as denoting the entire cycle of cause and effect described in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies.
None of which you have done. You are confusing it with something bad that has happened to you and you want that bad done on too others.......... Not good......
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Its Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE!
Date: Oct 20, 2007 11:13 AM
well honestly father If i was stuck in the past then why would I ask for forgiveness but you know what it is fine.U are narrow minded to much for me.I love you and you know what I didnt wear out my welcome fiy! lol because I paid rent and I needed a job and you know what It was the best thing that happened to me i even had to jobs no I do go to school fiy do something I love and fortunatly i will have a
40 minutes ago - 1 week left to answer.
Additional Details
38 minutes ago
my father sent this then to my sister and my sister posted this everywhere everythime i try to talk to him it always continuse in argument I sent this to him afterBody: ok well i am sorry that you have to feel this way.but i said my part.The point was to come to a solution.Thank you for your time.
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From: Block User
Willy Weasel
myspace.com/willyweasel2902
Date: Oct 20, 2007 8:37 PM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: RE: No Subject
Body: No one in this world knows you better then me. My darling child you are so right about Crystals misspelled words but before we start casting stones in glass houses your sentence structure is all wrong. You also have several misspelled word in the statement below. By the way what does Crystal have to do with this.
You wrote: (u will learn in the end what u did do wrong as a parent and honestly I dont have any regrets)
First off who in the hell do you think you are ? What you needed was more beatings and then you would have seen things differently but why am I explaining myself to you I owe you knowing and in return you get nothing.
I certainly don't have any regrets. This is your feeble attempt to get under my skin it won't work. Baby I have been around longer and seen allot more I don't sit and dwell in the past. I don't know who you are talking too or who is giving you advice but for me to say that I raised or should have raised you a different way is stupid at best, for lack of a better term.
You think you are all grown up well miss Jennifer when you walk in my shoes and have to work your ass off at providing for a family with snot nose kids who think they know it all then we can talk.
Your argument lacks common sense and defies all logic someday perhaps when you do grow up you will come to terms with yourself and tell yourself that you were definitely and sincerely really full of it.
I am proud of the way I raised my children and I will not sit here and have some snot nose kid tell me what she feels I did wrong.
My Lord, wah! wah! I feel my parents didn't raise me to my satisfaction they didn't give me what I wanted, but I hurt a lot of people and didn't give a shit.
Is this the logic that you will instill in your children because if it is good luck.
Enjoy Life to the fullest.
I pat myself in the back for a job well done 2 out of 3 isn't bad.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Knows SHe IS Right and Wrong
Date: Oct 20, 2007 3:11 PM
DOnt worry father....I know myself better than u and u will learn in the end what u did do wrong as a parent and honestly I dont have any regrets...It was the best decision I ever made.
I can live to please you and tell your daughter that she cant spell niether and go back to school.I will continue to be happy I dont need you neway.Thank you though.for being who u are lol.IT all runs in the family and I must have learned it from sumone I was living with=)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Willy Weasel
Date: Oct 20, 2007 1:20 PM
Wikipedia, defines Karma as
(Sanskrit: kA?rma (helpA�info), kA?rman- "act, action, performance"[1]; Pali: kamma) is the concept of "action" or "deed" in Indian religions understood as denoting the entire cycle of cause and effect described in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies.
None of which you have done. You are confusing it with something bad that has happened to you and you want that bad done on too others.......... Not good......
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Its Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE!
Date: Oct 20, 2007 11:13 AM
well honestly father If i was stuck in the past then why would I ask for forgiveness but you know what it is fine.U are narrow minded to much for me.I love you and you know what I didnt wear out my welcome fiy! lol because I paid rent and I needed a job and you know what It was the best thing that happened to me i even had to jobs no I do go to school fiy do something I love and fortunatly i will have a career in my life before 25 and I work also and trust me I dont need to but I choose to. and be well off at a young age.short term memeory must run in the family and grudges never I love you guys i would have never wrote you that if I didnt but you did want me to apoloize therefore I did and and as far as everything else you were the one that said I didnt have anothewr choice I nodded agreed and told maybe i will stop hurting people.And when i made that statement about having a nice life that was after you told me to stop calling you.So what else.because now .I have nothing more to say because honestly I have moveed on but I just know I have a apologized and I have grown up.And I learned.But if you cantr understand this then I dont think you know your daughter like you though you knew her.I love you daddy.And NAncy and i am soory for the pain but I got to do what I got to do.Thank you for everything.
Mwah.
Love your daughter
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Willy Weasel
Date: Oct 20, 2007 8:29 AM
Okay first of all like I said how soon we forget and I don't need this crap! You wrote:(First off i dont recall ever telling you to have a nice life) short term memory I guess but it happens when people like yourself try to make a valid point. Now do you remember the phone call when you called complaining that Christina had called you a bitch ! Now got your attention now!
Next you wrote: (whenever you yelled at me and try to push things in my face) Now some people need to be pushed and your are one of those people. You would rather work at selling chicken then getting an education which is all I ever wanted from you. You had the brains but by the looks of this email it's more like selective memory to me.
Next you wrote: (And second of all who ever the shit talker is needs to get there shit straight father because I only tell the facts.) No you only tell what you want to hear and whatever benefits you. I am not your little school yard friend so I expect more respect then what you are writing and your tone is unacceptable. My facts are based solely on my experiences living with you and how well you manipulate any situation.
Bottom line you must have wore out your welcome over there.
Next you wrote: (I have forgiven myself and I know now what is right for me but you could not see that.) I saw lots of potential in you the brains and you could not see that you were so into memememe! I cant began to say that I for one have no regrets for what I have accomplished and I would do it over again the same way.I have no remorse for my actions as this was what you wanted remember.
Next you wrote:(your bitterness and grudges) Where in the world did this come from. Now we go back in time remember the phone call I was told to have a nice life. how soon we forget.
bitterness: I am perfectly happy not a bitter bone in my body now you and your mother I dont know by looks of this letter there seems to be alot of bitterness in your blood.
Next you wrote:(I hope you realize at the last minute your biggest mistake.) The biggest mistake I ever did was marrying your mother (concha) 9years of my life down the tubes but I have no regrets in having my daughters. At the last minute sounds like you are killing me off all ready. At the last minute I know that I will have to answer to the good Lord and only to him.
Now this is what you wrote: (the times nancy had to pull my hair because I did not brush my hair right) so you are holding a grudge because it sounds to me that by your standards we were not supposed to discipline you, am I correct in this assumption because if this is the case then I feel for you and your children should you ever have any. When you have your kids then we can talk.
You Wrote: ( I was never allowed to have a social life.) you were allowed but only on the condition that you kept up the grades. Now enough of this crap. You lied to me about missing those 7 days at school by telling me the teacher didn't see you in class. You ran away from the place I provided for you instead of a 45 foot trailer and no electricity or running water. You had to bathe outside at the faucet, there were 7 people total in that place you cried every time I had to take you back. Now do you remember. So stop all this nosense it is getting old the one who is stuck in the past is you not me. (all the attention you spent amongst me all the control thank you ) Your very welcome because it has made you the person you are today and hope you succeed in all your dreams and hopes like I said I wouldnt change a thing on how I raised you and Crystal. Discipline is a Lost Art thats what this new generation needs now a days you guys are out of control. BIGTIME!
I too hope that someday you will succeed in all you set out to do. I wish you all the luck in the world. You have no idea what we as parents been though since you left but that is something every parent goes though when kids leave a nest and I dont expect you to understand that.
One thing you should know when I die I will die knowing that I have done all I could for all my children in the end it was up to them on how they wanted to use the knowledge we provided there will be instances where you will remember your father because something reminded you of him. Just know that regardless I will always Love all three of you the same.
You wrote:(well lets set the story straight) This sentence speaks for itself like I have always said there are three sides to a story Yours, Mine and the truth and sooner or later what you do in the dark comes out in the light.
DAD!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Its Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE!
Date: Oct 20, 2007 1:38 AM
well lets set the story straight father.Becuase there is a change in words.First off i dont recall ever telling you to have a nice life except for whenever you yelled at me and try t push things in my face.Second of all if all you can do is listen through the grapevine then it shows how much u really paid attention to me anyway.And second of all who ever the shit talker is needs to get there shit straight father because I only tell the facts.And whether you believe me or not now I can care less ,whether you can forgive me or not is not my problem.I do not hate you I o not dislike you.You use every bit of manipulation to put things the way they are.I know this for a fact.I have forgiven myself and I know now what is right for me but you could not see that.Me writing juicy stuff has nothing to do with anything.It has been two years.And you will make mistakes and fiy in the end I hope all does go well with your bitterness and grudges but I hope you realize at the last minute your biggest mistake.THank you for my home my food my shelter the nights we spent together by the fireplace during christmas,the times nancy had to pull my hair because I did not brush my hair right,the fact that I was never allowed to have a social life.for giving me a computer a nice bed to sleep in the momment you threatened me of taking me back to my mothers all the time my lovely sister manipulated me into doing things for her all the bitches and u would never choose nancy over me,all sarcasm and negativity about my hopes dreams and now my future,all the slaps in the face,all the yelling,all the attention you spent amongst me all the control thank you and god bless you for all of this.The last time I did ask you for something although it was only for your opinion your advice.you told me you did not want to hear and do not ever cal me again if you didnt recall because of a certain situation I love how you twist things around father the innocent.you have never done any wrong no mistakes and I praise you for how you have achived that i praise you for the slaps and beatings I recieved for peeing my pant yes sir yee and if I dont recall I truly believe that I was just less of a worry or burden amongst you if you had me around.second of and I am living life to the fullest which is awesome.I live in paradise literally.and yes I do do my own mistakes and learn from it but never later.always people learn in different ways what can you do.I will always forgive you and nancy.you are family.Now what I wrote on my paige has absoolutly nothingto do with you.Why you assume so many things of me how funny.I forgive ansd will always love both of you but when grugdes are held for so long and not fogive you tend to corrup people around you.I destroy no one and I never did is anyone dead?No i dont believe so.Just remeber Yes I am your daughter.N o but you know what father some of us get a run for real life and its true.If i really did so horrible why am i doing so good. I dont understand and yet you are the ones that are sick.I dont get it.You want an essay here it is.
Thank you Father
Thanks for bieng a dad
thank you nancy thanks for bieng my mother
The mother i never had
sorry I took it for granted sorry
that I didnt care
if you cant forgive me its okay
I wont pull out my hair
If you see in a grave before you die
Just remember I loved you guys
and i just hope and pray one day
that you will see
That I trully love you guys but only wanted to find me
and I hope that befre you go
that you will breathe
let the angels take you away to heaven
for all your precious deeds
and If you dont care then there
isnt much left to say I have triend
but you said it was never good enough
to this day
so now all i have is myself
my hopes dreams
character
dignity and strength
I will succeed and
maybe you will be proud of me sumday
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Willy Weasel
Date: Oct 19, 2007 9:35 PM
You told me to have a nice life now what is it that you ask of me, In your little essay you write some pretty juicy stuff but how am i sure you are sincere, Listen I have heard though the grapevine that you still write crap about the only two that actually cared enough to give you what you needed and not what you wanted, I am not well health wise and niether is Nancy but we are still managing. Your grand pa is also not well so we really don't need the drama.
At this very moment I am not feeling good and to see that you are asking for forgiveness is just the tip of the iceberg. By the way you are still young and you will constantly make many mistakes because thats just you.
COMMON SENSE IS A GOOD THING USE IT !
The last time you asked me for something you got mad and told me to have a nice life and then hung up on me now all this because you did not want to see that the real problem is you and not us you just want to do things your way and then learn from the mistakes later.
Also I have no regrets about what happened to my family that I fucking fought so hard to bring together only to have you slap me in the face with your BS. I am enjoying life to the fullest something I highly recommend that you should do you never know what may happen. You write on your page (Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE) what exactly do you mean and that other little slogan needs to be changed I didn't raise my daughters to curse. I hope to the good Lord that you are not referring to us as far as Karma goes.
I only ask you to please forgive Nancy and I for caring so much for you, as parents we only want the best for you and we will do what ever it takes to do just that. Now in the last 13years who fed you who cloth you and who sent you to school who taught you to ride a bike who taught to write to speak to eat shower, certainly not that family that you hold such high regards for they all of them just wanted a piece of Art $pie$ and nothing in return so do me a favor remember they just got to know you within the last 2years. One thing before I close this letter remember you chose your destiny not us you wanted to get to know mom for I always told you that was not a place you wanted to be at but you wouldn't listen.
Live and Learn. You are my daughter i can't change that but if you are set to try and destroy this family then I need to step up to the plate and protect it. Forgive me but this is the way it is.......
Just ask your mother ( Concha )
Nothing and Nobody Will Ever Come Between Me and Nancy..
Your DAD !
Write back !
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Its Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE!
Date: Oct 19, 2007 2:25 PM
because its been a couple of years and I dont believe that u should still be like this.only because We all make mitakes when we are younger and we learn and grow from them but if u insist on not talking to me then I hope u live with the fact that u dont know forgivness and in the end when its all over I hope u can one day see me ...and u will see what I have become to be. U may have raised me but in the end I raised myself.I am sorr for all the pain I have put everyone through.but I was young and even u made the same mistakes.maybe not reapeatedly but still.i want to apologize for bieng amisery and buruden to u.just know I did apologize many times and before u leave...because we can be gone any second in your life.and honestly I will leave this word knowing i try to do something good... and u will leave it with grudges and regrets.i am an adult now and I live on my own....And I am proud of myself...mystake got me to where I am at today and they are who made me me like it or not. I just wanted to let u and nancy know I do love you very much and it isnt bullshit its honesty and from the heart..and frankly weather you except this or not ...I know I tried. I love you take care.
Your Daughter
Jennifer=)
Wikipedia, defines Karma as
(Sanskrit: kA?rma (helpA�info), kA?rman- "act, action, performance"[1]; Pali: kamma) is the concept of "action" or "deed" in Indian religions understood as denoting the entire cycle of cause and effect described in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies.
None of which you have done. You are confusing it with something bad that has happened to you and you want that bad done on too others.......... Not good......
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Its Funny how Karma Worxs! ITs On My SIDE!
Date: Oct 20, 2007 11:13 AM
well honestly father If i was stuck in the past then why would I ask for forgiveness but you know what it is fine.U are narrow minded to much for me.I love you and you know what I didnt wear out my welcome fiy! lol because I paid rent and I needed a job and you know what It was the best thing that happened to me i even had to jobs no I do go to school fiy do something I love and fortunatly i will have a
my father sent this then to my sister and my sister posted this everywhere everythime i try to talk to him it always continuse in argument I sent this to him afterBody: ok well i am sorry that you have to feel this way.but i said my part.The point was to come to a solution.Thank you for your time.
I had to write in email Because he lives far from me and he will not accept me at out house
Daddy knocks a small deer over with his car and kills it out right?
No sign of injury so he reasons good meat waste not want not.
He takes it home and gets his wife to cook this.
Hea�?s terrified to tell the kids what sort of meat it really is in case of upset?
Little Daughter says this is nice meat daddy whata�?s it called?
Oh saya�?s daddy, ita�?s what mum calls me quite often?
Older son throws cutlery down spits food out
He screams to young sister, dona�?t eat it, ita�?s a fuc*ing arsehole?
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A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."
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One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees... Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking."
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There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."
So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"
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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
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A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."
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A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving". The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house." Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".
"For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen."
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A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"
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A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.
Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."
Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."
Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"
Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."
The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.
Mom : "Now what do I do?"
Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some fucking ice cream."
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An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"
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One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, "Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!"
Her mom replies, "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad."
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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."
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Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, I'm a little cold, could I borrow your blanket? The man says how would you like to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile? The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed. Then he replies, good, then you can get your own damn blanket.
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A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".
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During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
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A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".
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A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13" the man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned '14.........14.........14.......14.'
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A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."
So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."
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This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday. I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his wine making. He did.
I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink, but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish that I couldn't go upstairs and congratulate my wife to tell her what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will do that after climbing the basement steps the next time they come by.
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Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his old man. "Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years."
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Two old ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, "I realize we've known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can't bring it to mind... would you please tell me your name again, dear?" There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other lady responds, "How soon do you need to know?"
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You know there are starving people in those third world countries, and you're just wasting that food. Then package it up and ship it to 'em if you're so concerned you dumb shit!
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A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"
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The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he'd been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him.
She demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she'd brought especially for that purpose. The undertaker said, "But madam! It's only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can't possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time.
The lady said, "Who's paying for this?" Seeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit.
After the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow complimented the undertaker on the smooth and speedy service. She especially wanted to know how he'd been able to get her husband into a blue suit so fast. The funeral director said, "Oh, it was easy. It happens that there was another body in the back room and he was already dressed in a blue suit. All we had to do was switch heads!
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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
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A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."
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A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Von Bernuth, and sat down to explain his problem. "Doctor, doctor!" he started. "No need to repeat yourself, my good man," replied the doctor. "One 'doctor' is enough." "Yes, well, you see, I've got this problem," the man continued. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. A large, white, hairy Pyrenees mountain dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly. "Come over here and lie down on the couch." "Oh no, Doctor. I'm not allowed up on the furniture."
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Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!"
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The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..." A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir."
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Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dos is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me. Second Woman : "I know..." First Woman : "How?" Second Woman : "My dog told me."
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A woman in Brooklyn decided to prepare her Will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over Bloomingdales. "Why Bloomingdales?" asked the rabbi. "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
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There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" inquired the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there." "My wife is from Minnesota", exclaimed the manager. The boy instantly replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"
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A man went to a pet shop and bought a talking parrot. He took the parrot home, and tried to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead the parrot just swore at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird finally the man said "If you don't stop swearing I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment." The parrot continued, so finally the man put the bird in the freezer. About an hour later the parrot asked the man to please open the door. As the man took the shivering bird out of the freezer it said "I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!"
I Have no Idea what happened here!!
SORRY
24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator... 1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
People Really Said These Things In Court Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
The Blonde & The Coke Machine It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"
Poor Old Man This old man goes to the doctor's.
"Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman. She is hot and all she wants to do is have sex all day long."
"So what's the problem?"
"I can't remember where I live."
Blonde in a Car A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?''
''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.''
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car.
Daughter's Prayer A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"
Your Family Is So Poor Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, a�?Hey, who turned off the heater!a�?
Tooth Pulling A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
Grass Eater A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
You''re So Ugly You''re so ugly, when yo'' mama dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering!
Pinocchio and Splinters One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.
"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?"
"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.
"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with your
"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"
Clinton, Bush, and Washington... Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.
As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!''
George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''
And Bill Clinton's eyes light up and he says, ''Do we have time?''
Not Going To Try This Again A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
Mini Meanie The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.
"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry,
I'll help you win."
"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.
When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"
"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.
Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."
Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."
That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."
Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"
Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."
The Deacon and the Preacher There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been friends for a long time. One day the deacon got sick and was put in the hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend.
When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, ''How ya doing?''
The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. ''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died.
At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.''
The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!''
Too Smart A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
A priest, Jesus, and an old man tee off.
The priest drives the green within 5 yards of the hole.
Jesus slices the ball and it goes into the water hazard. He quickly runs across the water and hits his second onto the green 2 inches from the hole.
The old man tees off with a short worm burner that trickles into the hazard. Soon after a fish eats the ball and swims across the pond with it in its mouth. Just then an eagle swoops down and snatches the fish with the golf ball and flies off. The eagle loses its grip and drops the fish on the green. The fish then spits out the ball and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one.
Jesus turns to the old man and replies, "Play fair dad!"
Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ...
So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...
A blonde girl comes rushing home to her mum and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only count to 3 but I can count to 5. Look - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes running in again and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only say the alphabet from A to C but I can go until E. Look - A, B, C, D, E. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes rushing home and says "Mummy mummy! Today at school we were getting changed for physical excercises and all the other girls had really flat chests but I had these ...!" She opens her blouse and reveals a humungous pair of DD breasts. "Is it because I am special mummy?"
"No dear it's because you are 25."
A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid.
Then she wrote a note saying, "If you ever want to see your child again, leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park." then she signed it 'THE BLONDE' and told the kid to give it to his mom.
The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag. It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said, "How could you do this to another blonde?"
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks." and the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
~~~~
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
A Blonde's Year in Review
January: Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...Helllloooo!!!... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March: Got really excited - finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... Box said "2-4 years!"
April: Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out!!!
May: Tried to make Kool-Aid... wrong instructions... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June: Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July: Lost breast stroke swimming competition... Learned later the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!
August: Got locked out of my car in rain storm... Car swamped because soft-top was o pen.
September: The capital of California is "C"... isn't it?
October: I hate M &M's... They are so hard to peel.
November: Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... Instructions said one hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December: Couldn't call 911... "duh" ... there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!
Star if u like them!!!!
A tribe of Zulu warriors caught an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman in
the African jungle. The Chief Warrior told the Scotsman that he had a
choice of 'bongo' or death. "Well I don't fancy death much, so I think
I'd rather have this bongo lark". To which ten of his fellow warriors
tied the Scotsman to a nearby tree, pulled down his trousers, and
started having intercourse with him. After a while the Scotsman was cut
free from the tree, and ran off deep into the jungle clutching at his
bottom. The Chief then turns to the Irishman. "What do you want?"
"Well I don't fancy dying either. I'll have bongo too I think." The
Irishman is then tied up to a tree and the same thing happens to him.
Finally it's the turn of the Englishman. "What'll you have?" asked the
Chief. "Sir," said the Englishman, "I am an Englishman. I am dignified
at all times. I never cringe in the face of adversity. I stand up to
the toughest challenges. I would rather perish than endure what those
poor wretches have just suffered. Therefore, I will choose death."
"Whoah!" shouts the chief "Did you hear that men? This man would rather
die! So be it. Give him DEATH............by bongo!!"
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A stuttering man finally decides to go to the doctor to see if
his speech impediment can be cured. The doctor thoroughly examines the
man and finally asks him to drop his pants. Out comes this gigantic
dick and the doctor pronounces the root of the problem to be strain on
the vocal chords from the effects of gravity being transmitted up to
the neck area. The patient then asks, "wh-wh-at c-c-ca-an b-b-e d-d
done ab-b-bout- t-t i-i- t?" to which the doctor replies, "modern
surgery can work miracles. We can replace your dick with one of normal
size and the stuttering will disappear right after the operation." The
patient eagerly agrees to the surgery, and as promised his stuttering
disappears. About 3 months later the man returns to the doctor and
complains, "doctor, I am grateful to you for having cured me, but my
wife really misses a big dick and rather than lose her I've decided to
get my old dick back and live with stuttering for the rest of my life."
The doctor then looks straight at the man and replies, "d-d- de-deal's
a d-d-deal."
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There is this guy with a speech problem. One day he walks into
a General Store and asks," Can I have some bum?" "What?" the clerk
asks. "Bum....you know that nice tasting chewy stuff?" "Oh GUM!" says
the clerk. "Yeah bum." So the guy pays for the gum and he walks off
with it.
Then he goes to a Hardware Store and asks the clerk," Can I
have a fucket?" "What?" asks the clerk in disbelieve. "A fucket. You
know that thing you put water into?" "Oh a BUCKET!" responds the clerk.
"Yeah a fucket." So the guy pays for that and walks off with his gum
and bucket.
Then he goes to a Pet Store and asks the clerk," Can I have a
cockandspankit?" "A what?" the clerk asks. "You know a cockandspankit.
That nice little poodle." "Oh a COCKERSPANIEL!" "Yeah a cock and spank
it." Then he pays the clerk and walks out with gum, a bucket, and a
cockerspaniel.
The guy is walking along and his cockerspaniel gets loose.
"Fuck!" he yells. Then he walks up to someone and asks," Can you hold
my bum and fucket so I can go get my cock and spank it?"
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A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day
a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off,
washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for
twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says,
"Well, what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says,
"I'll show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows
him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you
like love?" He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam
digger."
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The traveller knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had
told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid
open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get
screwed," said the man. "OK, mister, but this is a private club,
so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice. The man did this, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"
"What?" said the voice, "Again?"
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A man picks up a girl in a party. They proceed to her place and
things are starting to heat up. He takes his shirt off and washes his
hands. He takes his pants off and washes hands again. So the girl
tells him: "I bet you're a dentist." Surprised he says: "that's
correct, how did you know?" "You washed your hands a few times,
so I figured you're used to it." They go on and they have sex.
Then she says: "you know what? I'm willing to bet you're a very
good dentist". "How can you tell?" he asks. "I didn't feel a thing..."
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One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps
his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns
over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few
minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and you wife wants
to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
8 hours, 57 minutes - who cares what she wants!
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These three women were sitting around one night talking about their
boyfriends when they decided they would give their men nicknames based on
kinds of soda. The first woman said: "I'm gonna call Tom "Mountain Dew" because he is as strong as a mountain and always wants to do it!"
The second woman said: "I'm gonna call Bruce "7-Up" because he has seven
inches and it is always up!" The third woman said: "I'm gonna call my man "Jack Daniels." The other two women responded: "Jack Daniels? But that's a
hard liquor." The third woman replied: "THAT'S MY LEROY!"
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A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As
he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He watches
for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy,
and she gets mad at me for sucking my *thumb*"
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The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next
day someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter
words for me," was the reply. "Really?" "Yes," answered the playboy. "All
evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that."
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A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some
preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and
generally got organised for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl
started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your
organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."
Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."
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Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up
whose father. One boy said, "My father is better than your father." The
other kid said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother." The first boy
paused, "I guess you're right. My fathers says the same thing."
A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful
17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to
Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him,
"So, tell me, how was it?" "Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun,
the surf, we made love almost every night, we--" His friend interrupts him.
"A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?" "Oh," says the
man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."
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Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest
daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night
they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The
daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the
mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.
Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room
you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?
Mom: Jewellery, dear.
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A poor man told his wife, I am sick and tired of being poor, I am going
to work overseas. So, he took off to Africa. A few years later, he
returned. As he approached his house he got stunned with the luxurious and
rich look of the house. He knocked on the door, the servant opened.
"Is the housewife in?" he asked.
The servant replied: "Just a moment." The wife comes out:
Wife: Wow, my man, all dressed up as a rich man after these years.
Husband: Guess what? I am rich.
Wife: How?
Husband: I went to Africa, found people walk with no underwear and sleep
on sand, so I began to make and sell underwear and beds. Due to
the high demand, I got rich fast.
Wife: A man, with all of your strength, had to go all the way to Africa,
making beds and underwear, to get rich, and I am a little woman that
stayed here, without underwear and on a single bed...I got REAL
rich.
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